If Relaxation is So Great, Why'd They Make It So Hard?

We've all heard the normal relaxation techniques: deep breathing, get a massage or meditate, get outside and go for a walk. These things are great, but what if you can't do them right now or don't have the time or money? Then they certainly won't help. Or what if they just aren't your thing? Not everyone is going to love yoga, afterall.

There are many ways to relax in this world, but finding what works for you is hard when we are strapped for time. Many people may not consider unconventional options. Take a look below and maybe you'll find that something slightly off the beaten path is more your style.

HERE'S 5 WEIRD WAYS TO RELAX!

  
1. ASMR 

ASMR stands for Autonomous Sensory Meridian Response, and it is a growing field of interest to researchers. Take a look at an ASMR video on youtube, and you may be going, 'Huh?" but the results of listening or watching one are pretty interesting. The theory is that low stimulus sounds, such as whispering, the sound of someone flipping a magazine page, or brushing sand around, are actually very soothing, and help to activate brain waves usually associated with relaxation. It won't necessarily work for everyone, and some sounds might work better than others, but it's gaining interest and followers. Some videos on youtube have upwards of 400,000 views... that's pretty interesting! So go on youtube when you're at work or trying to chill out at home, and find a video. Maybe put in your headphones to block out other sounds, and see if it helps you to relax. Some ASMR-ers also report tingling sensations up their spine, around their skull, and in their hands and feet.

2. Scream 

Far different from listening to the soft soothing sounds of ASMR, sometimes, you just got to get out all the feels. Screaming can be a nice way to rev up and release. If you have a pillow, it might be better to use it to scream into rather than alarm the neighbors by yelling at the top of your lungs outside (that's how the police get called)!  Getting out a good yell can be cathartic, and release energy that may be blocked by stuck emotions. Don't be surprised if you end up having a good cry after your scream. If that happens, just know that whatever was stuck and been cleared, and let your body express itself how it needs. You'll definitely feel better after, and may even be able to come to a better solution because things are flowing more!

3. Rage

One level up from screaming would be raging. Raging would mean getting your body involved. You want to make sure you are alone for this one. Remember, we're not yelling at ourselves, or hurting ourselves or others, but we are going to release pent up anger, frustration, and other pesky emotions by running amok, so to speak. Maybe hit your pillow instead of just screaming into it, run around, punch the air (and only the air), kick, spin around, roll on the ground kicking and screaming, and just let it all out. I often think we do ourselves a disservice by teaching children to store their emotions away rather than let it out with a good tantrum. Life's tough! We could learn something from our youngers, and remember that it's important to respect and honor our feelings by expressing them. If you've been swallowing feelings of anger, frustration, and been overwhelmed, and stressed recently; then a good rage tantrum should do the trick. Just remember to use it as a tool rather than a behavior to fall back on when you're upset over something. Solving the problem should always be number one, but if you are having trouble releasing the frustration the problem created, then a good rage may be just the ticket.

4. Play a game

If you have kids or a dog, then getting out and playing chase, tag, keep away, or something of the sort can really help you make a big shift. If you are without playmates right at the moment, then consider signing up for a league of some sort in a game that you enjoy playing. It doesn't have to be sports either. I have roommates that de-stress by playing video games, but getting your body moving isn't a bad idea, either. Moving around, channeling your energy into something fun and constructive may be just what you need to get out the things that are bothering you and help you see it all from a new perspective.

5. Write a strongly worded letter to whatever is bother you

The letter doesn't have to be to a person, either. I have drafted a letter to the dishwasher before. In the letter I asked the dishwasher why, exactly, it needed to break the same week that I was starting a new job, having my landlord do a walk through, and didn't have the time or the energy to deal with fixing it. While I didn't send the letter (...to the dishwasher, that wouldn't make sense!) because just getting out my frustration with the turn of events helped me to get over it and move on. Writing things down is proven to help you to process them, and release the associated emotions. So whether it's to the dishwasher, or the car, or to Uncle Bill, or the guy who cut you off on the highway, get the emotions out by writing them down. Sending the letter is optional, and not always recommended, but writing it is a help all on it's own!

WHAT IS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A LIFE COACH AND A LIFE INTERPRETER?

MANY PEOPLE ARE FAMILIAR WITH THE CONCEPT OF A LIFE COACH - BUT WHAT IS A LIFE INTERPRETER?

When Janice used to try to describe herself to people, she would often say she was a life coach with a twist. Eventually, she settled on life interpreter rather than life coach, as the techniques she used in helping people to change their lives was more akin to teaching them to speak a new language than it was in training them for a big game. This metaphor is of course somewhat imprecise, but the take away should be that there is a lot more going on with a session with Janice than there is with a typical life coach. This has to do with her specific perspective and training.

A life coach is a supporter, a confidante, someone who you can feel open with. They are someone who can act as an objective observer in your life. Isn't it true that we can often see what other people should do but it's hard to tell for ourselves what we should do? A life coach can be trained, or untrained, depending on the person. It is not completely unrealistic to think that some people are just better at being objective observers, supporters, and confidantes, and perhaps they wouldn't require training. Others will have a smattering of certificates and trainings. Certainly, licensed psychologists and psychiatrists abound and are well trained. So what makes life interpretation so different from what other people are doing? And what, exactly, are we interpreting?

The easiest answer to this is that we are interpreting your own thoughts, actions and reactions so that you can better understand yourself. Why do you act the way you act? What do you have this job, this sort of relationship? It's deep questioning with often startling answers.  Some people might understand their own motivations and know why they think the way that they think, but surprisingly, most people aren't really sure why they do what they do. Imagine that! Where are you on that spectrum? For most of us, we're operating from our habits, learned behaviors, and false beliefs. It's pretty fascinating when you start to see how you are creating your world from your understanding of it.

You may be surprised to find out that most traditionally trained mental health professionals aren't focusing at all on helping you to re-write your core beliefs. What!? you might be thinking, and I was surprised to learn this too. This idea just hasn't yet made it's way into the mainstream, although it's been very popular in alternative methods and Eastern philosophies for a long time.

The way that Janice has helped people to gain understanding into their programs is typically three fold.

First, to get the hang of this, you need to learn first how to de-stress (most people are way too stressed to even begin to think about changing the way their mind works!).

After people begin to learn how to relax and gain some space in their day to learn about other things, she will talk to them about how energy works. Many studies are coming out about just how interconnected and affected by each other we really are. If someone you don't even know, like a friend's friend, or a neighbor down the street has a bad day, why would that affect you? The answer lies in energy. People are so much more attuned and aware than we give ourselves credit for. The reason for that is that our subconscious is doing much of the processing of the stimulus around us and not letting on to the conscious mind. Surprisingly, even though we aren't consciously aware of it, these stimuli processed by the sub-conscious still affect how we are feeling. In one study done by Cornell University in tandem with Facebook found the following: 

"Over a one-week period in 2012, they changed the content of news feeds for a random sample of Facebook users. For one group of users they removed content that contained positive words, for another group they removed content that contained negative words. They then measured whether subtly biasing the emotional content in this way changed the emotional content of status updates by the users. Sure enough it did. Making feeds more negative led to more negative behaviour, and vice versa."  Source

The good news about this is that as we are learning more about how much we are affected by each other and the subtle subconscious cues we are receiving. We are also learning how to protect ourselves and become more aware so that we can limit the amount of noise triggering emotional responses from our brains. This is the second tier of Janice's work with her clients: she teaches them to protect themselves from unwanted emotional contagions.

Lastly, we talk about beliefs. Learning to control our stress level and the energetic signals we are receiving is really about understanding what exactly is affecting us and sort of wiping off that extra muck that makes it hard for our wheels to spin. While you are really talking about beliefs the whole time you are working with Janice, beliefs become the main focus at some point when you start to master energetic messages and stress. What things are you creating and why? This is by no means the easiest part of your learning, either. Beliefs exist for a reason, typically to protect us. The road to self-awareness isn't necessarily straight. My own journey has had many detours, re-routes (haven't I seen this tree before?) and breakdowns, but it certainly has left me in a much more livened state than when I started. So, will you take this journey with us? Will you learn to interpret your life and in so doing truly awaken to your potential?

This is a BIG learning curve, and an exciting one. Just imagine, if you knew you were creating your life, what you could create differently? I can think of a few things for myself!

That, in summation, is pretty much the difference, from what I can tell, between a life coach and a life interpreter. Let us hear your thoughts!

Coping with Depression at the Holidays

What About When the Most Wonderful Time of the Year.... Isn't....

​​The bright lights and cheerful music can create an ironic backdrop when you're not feeling your best, or when the time of year coincides with sad anniversaries.

Yesterday was the anniversary of the Sandy Hook shooting, which happened not too far away in Newtown, CT.  What a tragic event that was, and how awful for the families who must go into the Holiday season with the recollection of that day and the losses suffered.

In some ways, the Holidays operate as a large collaborative accounting of people's year.  I don't think we intend to, but we put an awful lot of pressure on each other at this time of year to "show up."  Personally, putting up lights, getting a tree, decorating it, and grabbing small gifts and making sure I don't forget anyone or anything starts to feel a bit forced when I'm trying to squeeze it into an already overwhelmed schedule.  

It's easy to feel like you just can't stack up at this time of year.  Even people who generally "have it all together" will fall to pieces at the Holidays if things aren't just so.  

Janice has said that the illusions and fears we hold about life will get bigger and bigger until we do something to address it.  I feel that the Holiday charade has gotten so large, with people literally running each other over to be the first in line, that it seems that the time has come to change how we do this a little bit.

If you're feeling down at the Holidays, try to hang on to the meaning in the season; not the fabricated version, but the intended meaning: gratitude, caring for each other and inner awareness.

Common Holiday Emotions and Tips to Manage Them:

Feelings Resulting from Perceived Lack - Lack is meaning anything that you don't have that you wish you did or think that you should.  Things that might fall into this category include money, time, success, having a family, or partner.  This may cause people to feel sad, frustrated, or even angry that things aren't different.

Tips to Manage: Instead of focusing on what you don't have or what you wish was different, make a list of things that you do have that you can be grateful for.  

• Money lack: If you don't have alot of money to buy people gifts, see what you do have and try to do something thoughtful that won't break the bank.  It doesn't help anyone for all of us to be spending ourselves into the poorhouse.  Making something is a wonderful way to show someone that you care, even if it's cardboard ornaments, or a reusable rice heating pad.  

• Time lack: If you feel like you don't have enough time to do what you want then take a look at where your time is going.  Keep track of your movements for three days.  Where does your time mostly go?  Sometimes awareness shows us that we aren't using time to it's greatest advantage.  If you want to go Holiday shopping, perhaps you can schedule that in over a few days, rather than trying to do a marathon store run.  Online shopping also makes it easier to manage time and shopping.  If you just wish you had more time to spend with loved ones, communicate that to them, and perhaps create space away from tech and tv to have some quality time.  No plan gets created if people don't express their interest or need for one!

• Lack in Success:  Like money lack, success lack often results from looking at what we don't have rather than what we do.  What have you accomplished this year?  If you take a look at everything that happened this year, you may be surprised to see that you did way more than you thought.  Don't compare yourself to someone else.  Everyone is fighting their own battle, and you don't know what someone else's life is like, no matter what pretense they may put up.  If you've taken steps to pursue your own happiness in any capacity this year, and I bet you have, then you have been, and continue to be, successful.

• Lack in Family or Partner Relationships: If you struggle with feeling that your personal relationships should be further along than they are or if you are coping with loneliness at the Holidays then consider why you feel this way.  Everything has two sides.   Relationships and families have their own stresses and pressures.  While it may seem attractive from the outside, getting involved and creating a family in the wrong circumstances will not solve your problem of loneliness.  Waiting for the "right" one may feel like an endless wait, but feeling like your life should be further along is pointless if the person you're meant to be with just hasn't arrived into your life yet.  Find a way to take the focus off of you, maybe by volunteering or giving back in some way.  Many, many elders spend the Holidays alone.  Again, be grateful for the ones in your life, spend time with them, and see what you can learn from the friendships and other connections you do have rather than pining for something you don't.

Feelings Resulting from Not Being Able to Do It All -  Juggling alot at the Holidays has become a skill that even a circus clown would find challenging.  I personally know many people who begin their Christmas shopping in September just to get ahead of the curve.  Between getting something special for the ones you love, trying to spend quality time, baking and cooking, preparing for Holiday dinners, and getting all the decorations up, you're somehow supposed to have time to relax and reflect on the season.  Many of us never get to that last part.

Tips to Manage:  What can you cut out without too much of a backlash, while still enjoying the season.  What, really, are your priorities, and what do you only think you should do?  Focus on your priorities, and let the other stuff go.  If you don't actually enjoy decorating the house, foundation to roof, in Christmas lights, then don't do it!  Invest your time in the things that will bring you joy, and you'll be more joyful - imagine that!

Feelings of Not Feeling Cared About - It's easy to feel slighted at the Holidays.  Everyone is running around crazy.  Especially if we have a belief of not being cared about, it's easy to find that proof in Holiday gifts or lack thereof, people not pitching in, or feeling that your good intentions are going unnoticed.  If you want to find out more about how to manage this particular belief, I suggest tuning into our podcast: How to Survive Earth School, available on Itunes and Soundcloud, for a special episode on How to Survive the Holidays!  


In Conclusion:
Be well, everyone.  Remember to shake it off, and I highly suggest taking one of Janice's classes on learnitlive.com to learn more about how energy and other people's emotions can easily be transferred to us.  It's really important, especially since most people are much more sensitive than they believe, that we all start understanding how we affect each other!

​- Christine

Gratitude Exercises For Happiness

When Thanksgiving comes around, we may often find ourselves running back to the grocery store at 10am for that last minute purchase, pulling our hair out, or engaged in a seething inner argument about whether to let that last comment from Aunt Edna go, rather than practicing gratitude as the Holiday suggests.

It brings up an interesting aspect of the Holidays.  The meaning of the season often gets left behind as people scramble for Black Friday deals, and bend over backwards to give their families the best that they can with limited time and, often, limited budgets.

In a recent newsletter sent out to our mailing list, Janice implores us to remember that there are many people in the world who cannot celebrate or do not have anyone to celebrate the holidays with.  It's a good reminder, especially as we eye Aunt Edna gearing up for a tirade...

In years past, the holidays have felt forced to me.  Thanksgiving's original celebration seems overshadowed by the grim events that followed for the indigenous people who were helpful to the settlers that first Thanksgiving.  Christmas, too, has felt less and less about the original purpose i.e. celebrating the religious holiday and birth of Christ, and more like a consumption riddled frenzy.  I'm not religious, so attempts to make it feel more sacred aren't necessarily the answer.

Somewhere under all the glitter, and the signs, and the deals, and the gluttony; there is a real reason for celebrating the holidays.  I would like to tease this out of the rituals and habits visited each season without much thought.

It seems to make sense to go back to the root of the Holidays.  Despite what happened since; Thanksgiving is a day in which friends and family gather, after the Harvest, to express their thankfulness.  Gratitude itself is such a wonderful and important part of a healthy lifestyle.  Many studies have shown that those that practice gratitude everyday tend to be more optimistic and healthier.

This article from Harvard mentions several such studies where the outcome proved, once again, all the benefits of practicing gratitude.

If we are to take anything from the Holidays; perhaps it should be that this feeling is one that shouldn't occur only once or twice a year, but something that we practice all year long.

This isn't a new concept, by any means, but it's one that we see people struggling to put into action.

Exercises for gratitude can include:

• Journaling each day and listing something you are grateful for, no matter how inane or seemingly unimportant.
• Remembering to thank the people in your life for their assistance and for going out of their way for you.
• Looking at the things we often feel plagued or upset by and trying to find something positive in it; perhaps a lesson learned, a connection, or recognition of having overcome it.  Be grateful for the silver lining.
• At meal times remembering to be thankful for your food, and sharing that gratitude out loud with those you may eat with, or thanking those that prepared the meals not only verbally but in your actions (perhaps by helping to clean up).

Christmas, too, can have the the true meaning teased out.  If Thanksgiving is expressing thanks and practicing gratitude, that I see Christmas as a time of giving and showing people we care and appreciate them.  Here are some of the ways to do this other than opening you wallet too wide:

• Have a story time, let everyone share something from their life that the others may not know and really listen to them.  Our culture typically has us glossing over the meaningful things in our lives and staying very surface with each other.  Practice deep listening.
• Make something for someone, especially something that you know that they really need.  Again, this means having listened and paid attention to each other.
• Do something nice for the other person, if that means helping them dig snow or clean up the house, bake something or invite them to dinner.  Actions can often speak louder than words.  What has someone in your life been putting off for a long time that you can help with?
• Let people know you love and appreciate them.  Use the traditional 12 days of Christmas as a starting point, and maybe leave them a note for each day with something else you appreciate about them.  If we do not tell someone we care and appreciate them, they may not know!

In other suggestions, planning to do something together in the future, or to work on a project together, create something, or help another with something, go on a trip or otherwise spend time together is another wonderful way to surpass the over-materialism of the Holidays.  

Experiences and spending time together is what it's all about, learning and growing with each other!  

Let me be clear that I have nothing specifically against present giving - it's more the unconscious purchasing of things that people do not need or cannot use very much just as a sort of throw away giving that I dislike. The world needs us to be more thoughtful with our consumption, and in the end; I believe it detracts from the purpose of the season.  If getting the mashed potatoes just right is going to take you away from actually enjoying your Holiday, then screw the mashed potatoes and eat chips with your turkey.  

Let yourself have fun and play with the Holiday, trying your best but not beating yourself up if for some reason it doesn't go the way you expected.  

Focus on your intention of gratitude and giving and all will go right!

​
- Christine

Who is a Bully?

We've all had issues with bullying in some capacity....


 "Don't pick on her," Jessica said angrily.  We all stood stock still, gaping at the girl who said something to the ones picking on a girl in our class, Maddie.

"Thank you, Jessica," Maddie said in a way that made it seem like she just won an academy award.  I was shocked.  Who was I in all this? I was the bully, and Jessica had just stood up for the girl I was bullying.

I don't remember what I had said to Maddie, but a few friends and I were poking fun at her.  We were in 5th grade. 

The reason we bullied Maddie is because, honestly, she was an easy target.  She was different, maybe a little nerdy, and a little socially awkward.  Basically, she was everything I didn't want to be (but was, anyway) and since I didn't like myself and was afraid to be myself, it seemed the thing to do was to attempt to separate out the things I didn't like about myself.  I did this by finding them in someone else and ridiculing them for it.  I was trying to prove that I was different than her, but instead I made myself into something far worse - a hypocrite and a bully.  It took a long time to figure out what I was doing and begin to accept and appreciate the pieces of myself that I had made fun of in Maddie.

It all seems pretty cut and dry, but there's more to it than that.  Through my work with Janice; I've begun to learn about energy and beliefs. Have you ever been feeling fine, and then you'll get a phone call from someone who is complaining about something they are trying to do and how they can't get it right?  Instead of just calmly being able to answer their question or reassure them they can do it,  you may begin to feel angry or frustrated with them. You respond with criticism or lash out; telling them that they should know how to do this already or ask them, "how many times are you going to call me with the same stupid thing," etc.  What we don't realize is this:

People who feel bad about themselves can draw out anger, frustration, or ridicule with their energy, especially from those closest to them. We can mirror what others feel about themselves without even realizing that is what is happening. 

Have you ever been feeling really bad about yourself, like you just can't do it, or you feel like you're a real screw up; and then someone comes along and says something to reinforce this idea?

I'll give you an example: I was running behind one morning and didn't clean up my dishes from breakfast.  As I'm walking out the door, I am feeling frustrated, like I just can't get anything right, be on time for anything, and am generally just a disaster.  As I am driving to work; I get a message from my roommate "Can you please clean up after yourself!? You always leave things a mess!" it said.  I already felt bad about not being able to do my dishes, and I was beating myself up for running late.  Then, I get this message and it just reiterates to me that I am a screw up.  

It felt awful.  But is it real?  

My roommate was responding to the way I already felt, and her emotions, fears, and beliefs got mixed in there too.

Bullies and their victims often share similar beliefs.  Often, they both feel there is something wrong with them, that they won't be accepted the way they are, that they don't matter, and/or that they can't do anything right.  For these reasons, they feel they are different or don't fit in.  We often hear in our work that people feel like they just don't really belong, that no one will accept them the way they are and that no one really cares.  Underlying all of this, are the feelings that we are "not good enough."  The difference is in what people do with it.  Some people hide, and hold their energy in close to themselves. They are fearful that others will see their flaws and they try to keep people from seeing them.  They don't feel good about themselves and try not to draw attention to themselves. They can feel very victimized by the people around them and the world.

The second type of person is someone whose fear and dislike for themselves is also profound, but instead of turning in; they turn out. The will strike first, draw attention to others, ridicule, can be abusive and mean.  By doing this, they feel more powerful. Instead of being the victim they become the victimizer.  They use their abusive actions and judgements to make themselves feel better, feel like they matter, and/or are important. They instead choose to focus that dislike outside themselves and blame others.  

People are afraid to really be seen, but how we handle it will differ from person to person.  A bully and their victim typically have more in common then people really realize.  It is a relationship that is built on the beliefs they share about themselves.  It is almost more like a dance.  One of the ways Janice helps people manage bullies is to teach them about this energy connecting them, and help them to alter or change it so that the bully isn't drawn so much towards the would-be victim.  She also emphasizes the need for the group to stand up against bullies.  Many people are afraid that they'll be next if they stand up to a bully, but typically a person who doesn't feel bad about themselves already can stand up to a bully and avoid becoming a victim.  Even if the bully says something mean; it won't affect them because they feel good about themselves.

Bullying is a real problem, and one of the biggest issues with it is that a lot of adults actually bully. It may seem different, or that we have a good reason for the way we treat others. The judgement, the hate, and the fear may feel different than when we were children.  We may have grown up but we, most of us anyway, have not grown out of our own insecurities that we felt as children. We are the role models for our children and what we teach them, whether we know it or not, is very much the same cycle as what we learned.  It is possible to change this, but it must change from a standpoint of awareness, not blame. Most of us don't go around hurting others on purpose, and if we do it is because we feel we have been hurt. 

Bullying isn't a child thing, it's a people thing and a world epidemic.

That's why we call our program Bullying Exposed.  We are working on getting to the root causes of bullying: which are our feelings of low self worth and self esteem, and our feelings of not being good enough.  We try so hard to be the same or to fit in with the crowd instead of embracing our differences. 

Bullies are really people who are just afraid of their own insecurities.  When kids, adults, organizations, or governments bully; it's because they are afraid.  Often, they are trying to make themselves feel better by highlighting the difference between themselves and the people or ideas they are ridiculing.

​We have to help people who abuse, try to control, make fun, and cut others down understand what they are actually doing, which is really just hiding behind their fear/anger and not actually dealing with the real problem.  They think that by hurting others; they will make themselves feel better.  Well, I can tell you from first hand experience that this is not the case.  When Jessica stood up for Maddie that day; I felt really bad about what I had done.  Here, Jessica was one of the more popular girls in school, and I wasn't.  The fact that she would stand up for Maddie, a girl who I considered "below me" really stuck with me, and I realized that what I had done was wrong and I was really mad at myself.  I had been punishing myself for a long time for that, believing myself to be a mean or bad person, and treating myself as if I was.

It is worth noting that the teacher was right there, and hadn't said anything to myself or the other girls.  It was only Jessica who said something, and then, after the fact, the teacher gave her a pat on the back for sticking up for Maddie.  Janice says that this is actually a good thing.  The adults shouldn't get involved with the group dynamics of the kids.  Children need to learn to band together as a group to stand up against bullies.  Otherwise, they will always be looking for an authority figure to protect them or handle their problems.  This is all well and good until there isn't one to be found.  

As a side note- I really wish that at some point, the teacher had spoken to me about why I bullied Maddie, and helped me understand that the anger and frustration I was feeling was a normal thing to feel at that age, but that I needed to find ways to deal with it other than lashing out.  Another options was if she had helped to facilitate a talk with Maddie where we went into bigger depth about what it had made Maddie feel for me to be mean to her, and why I had done it in the first place.  It's important to realize that bullies are hurting too.  They just are funneling that pain into anger and hate rather than into sadness.  I'm not saying it's excusable, especially when people know better, but it is understandable, and what's more, given time, patience, and practice; I do believe it is possible to fix as well.  We need to expose the dynamic that creates bullies and we need to help victims to begin to gain self confidence and love for themselves so they don't present as targets so easily.

No one is truly a victim, we all have a choice about how we feel.  No one can make us feel anything.  They can try.  But on some level we have to agree with them.  We have a choice how we react to people.  Awareness is key.

It's worth mentioning that in my youth; I was bullied, too.  I had blocked this out for a long time,  but I remembered recently that in 3rd grade, my whole class made fun of me for having a crush on a boy.  I think someone had overheard me say something and it began to spread throughout the classroom.  Everyone began singing and chanting, "Christine has a crush on Jeremy" and I got really upset, and started to cry because he was sitting there.  I didn't go back to school for two weeks.  So, maybe that has something to do with why I wouldn't want to feel vulnerable anymore, and made fun of another girl.  And that is typically the way it will go.  Bullying is a cycle, just like abuse is a cycle.  People learn it somewhere, and it's usually because they have been hurt and don't want to let that happen again.  I have learned alot just from looking at the ways I have been hurt in my life and how I then changed my behavior to try to protect myself from further hurts.  If you've ever had an experience with bullying, whether you are the bullied or the bully; I highly suggest you begin to explore the programs we offer here at Miylana and Bullying Exposed.  Janice offers much in the way of workshops and resources to begin to identify the parts in you that were hurt, felt victimized, or lashed out to protect.  As Janice says,

"Most people are not trying to hurt you unless they are mentally unsound.  If they are hurting you, it's because they themselves are in pain."

Learn more about bullies and ways to use your energy to protect yourself, check out upcoming Energy Affects classes or our Bullying Exposed programs.

Does Hypnotherapy Work for Anxiety?

A Major Component of Janice's Work Is Her Hypnotherapy Sessions...
But Does It Work?

One of the first things Janice will give to new clients is a hypnotherapy cd (and a copy of her book - This Is Only a Dream - When You Die You Wake Up!).  She currently has over 15 different hypnotherapy cd's that she can offer to clients, ranging in topic from Abundance to Weight Loss.

When she handed me a hypnotherapy CD to help improve Self-Worth, I was indifferent.  I was open to it, but I certainly didn't run home and throw it right on.  I think it took me a few weeks before, after a reminder from Janice, I finally took a listen.

The intro to the hypnotherapy sessions recommend that before you begin, you make free time to listen in a quiet place and that you set yourself up comfortably without any distractions or responsibilities for alertness- aka. don't drive a car and listen to hypnotherapy.

I had been told that before going to sleep was a good time to listen, so I got into my pajamas and popped on the cd, and climbed into bed.  The soothing music began to play, Janice's calming voice began to speak, and before I knew it; I was asleep.

This cycle repeated itself over and again.  I was so relaxed by the cd that I had never actually heard the end of it consciously until several months after I began to listen to it.  So what was the deal?  And what was it doing, if anything, while I slumbered?

Research shows that even while we are asleep, our ears remain active.  Our brains still register auditory stimuli, and this can impact the depth of our sleep, and how well rested we are.

If you often feel like you sleep a good 8 hours, but are still waking up feeling exhausted, noise may be the culprit.

 In fact, research has linked traffic noise and chronic bad sleep with cardiovascular disease.

Obviously, our body still registers the sounds we hear during the night, whether we are actively aware of them or not.  Regardless, and my situation aside, what does hypnotherapy actually do for our bodies and minds?

First we must understand what hypnotherapy is.  The cut and dry definition of hypnotherapy is the use of hypnosis for therapy.  Ok.  So then we must ask, what is hypnosis?  Hypnosis is an induction of a trance or dream like state in which the subject is highly susceptible to suggestion.  We've all heard the stories of the man who would act like a chicken when a master hypnotist snapped their fingers, but this spectacle doesn't necessarily suggest therapeutic value and can scare people to believe that hypnosis is scary and can control you.  Actually, you would never do anything you would not normally do.  If someone gave you a suggestion to "rob a bank" for instance, unless you're a bank robber, you would not do it and even then you would still be making the decision.  You are just in a relaxed deeper state of mind, which makes it easier for you to make changes.

What most of us don't know is that at least 80% of the time our beliefs and programs are running our lives.

Most of us really do not know what we believe, but we can start to see our beliefs by looking at the patterns that show up in our life. To really change these beliefs, we need to change them from the place where they are stored and running to begin with, our subconscious mind.

During a hypnotherapy session, the hypnotherapist helps you to become very relaxed, and then will suggest concepts to you.  If you are struggling with self-worth, for example, she might suggest that you are a worthy, confident, and capable individual.

When we say "beliefs," we don't mean spiritual or religious beliefs.  The idea is that our minds create our reality.  You can be the most independent, capable and worthy person in the world; but if you are always thinking that you aren't any good, that's the reality you will live in.  That's a belief.  You'll make decisions from that place, and constantly sabotage or under value yourself because you don't actually believe you can do it.  The idea is that if we can change the script your mind is playing, then you may begin to see examples of how worthy and capable you are when those experiences come up.  Perhaps you begin to see opportunities that were always there but that you didn't recognize as viable options before.  Much more is open to you, because you began to use the up-till-this-point cobweb infested parts of your mind that said you were worth a damn.

Janice often says that one of the major benefits of hypnotherapy is that it helps to re-wire your brain.  If you've always had low self-worth, then that means you've created a bridge between any sort of criticism, rejection, or disapproval as a reflection of who you are and what you are capable of.

Eventually you may begin to see that criticism, rejection, and disapproval in advance, as a sort of inevitability.  

It is here that we come to a crossroads, and we begin to shift from a place of perception to a place of creation.  We begin to create the experience of rejection and the feeling of unworthiness even though it is essentially only in our minds.  You begin to live from this cycle.  Many arguments stem from this inevitability of response.  People foresee criticism when it isn't there, and project their own fears on the other person's actions.  It's really quite amazing what we do.

One experience can fit into many different interpretations.  Hypnotherapy allows our mind to experience, while in an open and relaxed state, the other possibilities and helps change your old beliefs that have been keeping you stuck, repeating the same reactions and experiences.

So, if you're feeling like you may need assistance in any particular area; whether it be anxiety reduction, weight loss, smoking reduction, abundance, etc. than I highly suggest hypnotherapy.  It will help you see the other possibilities, and at the very least is very relaxing.  Studies currently have shown that hypnosis can be effective for a range of issues from pain management to anxiety reduction.  The effectiveness will depend of course from person to person and from hypnotist to hypnotist.

My own experience with hypnotherapy and listening to the cds was highly positive.  It seemed to help me relax, get to sleep faster, and definitely encouraged me to wake up on the right side of the bed.  That, coupled with my ongoing sessions with Janice, and the work I'm doing to 'change my mind' has really helped me make better choices for myself and feel happier.  If you have anything to add to this, please feel free to comment below!

If you want to try out one of Janice's hypnotherapy sessions, you can see this one on youtube!

Hypnotherapy audio downloads are available here.

For more info or to hear Janice's unique perspective on solving the world's problems, check out our podcast, How to Survive Earth School, available on Soundcloud or Itunes!
 

5 Ways to Feel Better Now!

Sometimes we are so trapped in the moment that we fail to see the easy ways we can begin to shift our mood.  One of the most basic components of our emotional world are our thoughts.  Thoughts can lead to emotional reactions.  Recognizing what we are thinking, being aware of our inner monologue and what we are saying to ourselves, especially the repetitive statements is incredibly important.  Unfortunately, the nature of the brain is that frequently used pathways become stronger.  That's why practicing is so important when it comes to playing an instrument.  The repetitive motion of your fingers on the guitar or piano creates links in the brain that increase processing and reaction to the visual and audio cues you are creating, making it easier to play and improvise. We forget that those same idea would mean that what we are thinking is what we will be feeling and creating.  If we're constantly engaging in negative self talk, our experience of the world will be more negative.  So many studies have shown that our mental attitude is important for how we feel about our lives.  If we feel people are untrustworthy, if we see the world as cruel; we tend to only see the evidence for our beliefs, and completely discount anything that contradicts our strongly held belief.  If we believe our family takes us for granted, we put much more weight on the times that they did not come through for us than the times that they did.  So what, they cooked us dinner?  Came to our baseball games? Went out of the way to listen to my problems?  They're supposed to do that, they're family.

The experiences we code as "negative" impact us so much more than "positive" as well.  Studies show that troubling images and negative words impact the brain 5xs as much as good or uplifting images or words.  Why is that?  Scientists postulate that it may have to do with survival.  Threats to our livelihood needed to have a greater impact on our minds so we could take swift action.


So what does all this mean for feeling better?  On the bright side, it means that your emotions are pliable, and that a little bit of effort can completely alter our mental state.  Many times we just accept our feelings and think there is nothing we can do to change it.  "It is what it is!" We say.  That's where a perspective shift can come in handy.  Here are some simple ways to feel better now, right now.

1.  Write down how you are feeling.
Grab a paper and pen, or sit at the computer, and just begin to write it all down.  Thoughts carry an energy that can be released when you express them.  Writing, especially, is wonderful for this because getting your thoughts down linearly make them easier to process.  Sometimes, when we are upset, we get into circular thinking in which we are constantly thinking about the problem.  Simply write them down, put them in an email to us if you want! (miylana@aol.com) Try to use the space of writing to process where the thoughts and feelings are coming from.

2.  Shake it off.
Literally! No really!  Get up.  This is so helpful whether you are feeling angry or sad.   Put on some high tempo music and just shake it off.  Move around.  Dance if you want to.  Allow yourself to really express the anger and try to visually imagine physical energy dropping off you into the ground where it can be processed.  If you're feeling sad, watch that sluggish grief fall away and reveal the abundance of joy you have at your core.

3.  Go out in nature.
Nature has such a healing and beneficial effect on us.  Studies show that just 20 minutes in nature can greatly change the way our brain is processing information.  Go someplace quiet and sit.  Notice the natural world around you.  Or go for a walk, and let the movement and changing landscape help to quiet your mind.  We often forget that we are an aspect of nature that has, for many of us, removed ourselves from the natural world.  Being in a natural setting calls to the part of us that is nature itself.  Did you know the mineral compositions found in the ocean are also found in the human body, at the same percentages?  This fact alone implies just how much apart of nature we are; and how much it is apart of us.

4.  Imagine being someplace peaceful.
If you can't leave for a walk or dance, maybe you are at work, then go someplace for 10 minutes and visualize somewhere that makes you happy and is peaceful. Breathe deep, and imagine being there.  Studies show that the areas of the brain in charge of perception and the areas of the brain responsible for imagination are very similar.  That means that our brains don't necessarily know the difference between when we see the beach when we are there on the weekend, and when we are imagining being at the beach when we are actually sitting at the desk.  Conjure the feeling of your special place with all of your five senses.  The imagination is incredibly powerful.  Think about what this means when you are imagining potential negative scenarios in your mind or watching negative TV- your brain may think that those bad things are actually happening to you and may create a stress response in you.  And we wonder why we are stressed out!?

5.  Think positive thoughts.
If these other options aren't working for you, then we suggest consciously thinking positive thoughts or words.  Affirmations are an example of positive thinking that helps to re-wire a brain that is used to negative thinking.  You have to start somewhere!  Look at happy videos online, or funny pictures.  Surround yourself in your office and home with images that make you happy or are inspiring to you.  Even just thinking positive words like beauty, love, kindness, gentleness, caring, joy, abundance, happiness, and etc. can start to do the work of creating a neutral mindset, if not a positive one.  Remember that negative experiences have 5x the impact of positive ones, so that means it will take 5xs the effort to set you just back to neutrality after something that's upset you, like an argument or a stressful car ride, etc.

The thing that is most distressing is when people don't do these simple tasks to feel better because they don't think it's worth it, or think that they don't deserve to feel better.  The simple fact that these exercises work is proof enough to me that it is your right to feel better! Why else would it be so easy to alter your attitude?  If you can do it, why wouldn't you do it?  Your mind is a bundle of synapses and chemicals that work together to create a rough estimation of what's happening around and to you.  For the most part, many of us just let it do it's thing and think that if we are feeling bad, we must deserve it on some level.  Why else would we be feeling this way?  Studies show though, that so much of those emotions are arbitrary, or dictated by survival instincts that aren't compatible with today's world.  We can use the way our minds' work to improve our lives, so let's do it!  You deserve to feel good.  All it takes is a change of perspective!  Let me know how it goes!