Are You Lying To Yourself? I was.

During our most recent podcast How to Survive Earth School recording (available on Itunes and Soundcloud), I had an epiphany of sorts with the help of Janice and Christine D.

While I do this work, and feel like I have gotten so much better recognizing my old programs when they begin to run, I am realizing that I am still operating on really basic underlying truths that tend to always be playing in the background while my awareness is distracted.

Typically, when this happens, it's because something has upset me.  But rather than move from this feeling of being upset or hurt, I move directly into anger at the supposed perpetrator of this transgression.

Why don't they know what they did?  Why do they continue to do this despite my asking them not to?  Why don't they listen to me?

This inevitably leads me to my programs, which take these thoughts into the realm of absolutes.


People don't care.  I'm unlovable or there's something wrong with me.  People do not listen.

While I have gotten so much better, particularly in the area of feeling not listened to, and not taking things personally when people do things that feel inconsiderate; I realized that my awareness and recognition is limited to specific acts that I have just begun to recognize.  But, there are some other things that are falling through the cracks.

What are these?  The tend to have to do a lot with not belonging, abandonment, and the home.

While I am doing so well at not taking things personally from friends, family, career, and even relationships; when it gets into an arena that activates my fear of abandonment, not belonging, or my home space; it really begins to unravel my well formed identity.

Particularly in my home life, I have been taking it for granted that the people you live with simply will not care about how what they do will impact you.

Saying it out loud this last week really hit home just how apart of my understanding of the world this concept was.  I never even gave it a second thought these last couple of years working with Janice.

It's so bizarre for me to still be finding these hidden beliefs stuck in the mud of my fears.  I suppose some things simply just take time to rise to the surface so that you can deal with them.  While this may be a small thing, it really isn't.  I was dedicating so much time to feeling angry, to feeling hurt, and to feeling resentful all while feeling like there was simply nothing I could do about it.

While I haven't perfected asking for what I want, I have gotten alot better at it.  What I am still working at, and which is coming a bit slower for me, is letting people know how I feel.

I don't know why this is so hard.  I suppose because it feels like the ultimate test of someone's caring for you.  If you say how you feel and nothing changes?  Well, then they obviously don't care.

But change takes time, and so many people are stuck in their own illusion - their own programs - that to continuously take another's behavior as a reflection on you is almost insane.

Learning to remind people, gently, when they've dropped back into their old routines is a wonderful way to keep things from turning into a button pressing game.

Rather than get your hackles up, and begin to create an argument or defense in your mind; look for a way to discuss your feelings in a non-confrontational way.

The reason discussions devolve into confrontations is because somewhere we, or the other person, believes that they are not entitled to their feelings or else they are afraid that the person won't care or listen to what they say.  Practice slowly, and reiterate your caring for the other.  It's ok to not always see eye to eye, but compromise is a gift and should be employed whenever and towards whatever thing you need to resolve.  Not discussing the problem is no longer an option.  It will grow and grow until it consumes you and it's all you think about.  Is someone leaving dirty dishes in the sink really worth all that?

So, in conclusion.  Yes, I have been lying to myself.  People do care, and I know because I talked to them about it. 

http://www.miylana.com/blog/are-you-lying-to-yourself

Next Class: Energy Affects on Thursday August 20th at 6pm

CLASS RESCHEDULE- PLEASE CHECK BACK FOR NEW DATE/TIME OR SIGN UP FOR EMAIL LIST BY GOING HERE.

Why Come to This Class?


- Have you been feeling extra sensitive? Overwhelmed? Exhausted? Cranky?

- Do you feel like you have no time for yourself?

- Are you having trouble focusing?

- Do you feel yourself getting angry and frustrated easily?

- Are you beating yourself up?

- Do you flip flop between extreme emotions and then all the sudden you are ok again?




You DO NOT have to feel like this! This class will help you to break through the illusion of these negative feelings to see how YOU actually feel. We're all being bombarded by these high intensity emotions from people around us and taking them on as our own.




In this class, we explore how we pick up thoughts and feelings from others around us, learn to block and protect ourselves, and create healthier connections.

It is so important to begin to use our gifts consciously instead of just acting like a sponge. You will be AMAZED how much better and more like yourself you will feel after this class.

Price:
$60

***Bring a friend special!***
Buy one, get the second half off! ($45/person)

5 Ways to Feel Better Now!

Sometimes we are so trapped in the moment that we fail to see the easy ways we can begin to shift our mood.  One of the most basic components of our emotional world are our thoughts.  Thoughts can lead to emotional reactions.  Recognizing what we are thinking, being aware of our inner monologue and what we are saying to ourselves, especially the repetitive statements is incredibly important.  Unfortunately, the nature of the brain is that frequently used pathways become stronger.  That's why practicing is so important when it comes to playing an instrument.  The repetitive motion of your fingers on the guitar or piano creates links in the brain that increase processing and reaction to the visual and audio cues you are creating, making it easier to play and improvise. We forget that those same idea would mean that what we are thinking is what we will be feeling and creating.  If we're constantly engaging in negative self talk, our experience of the world will be more negative.  So many studies have shown that our mental attitude is important for how we feel about our lives.  If we feel people are untrustworthy, if we see the world as cruel; we tend to only see the evidence for our beliefs, and completely discount anything that contradicts our strongly held belief.  If we believe our family takes us for granted, we put much more weight on the times that they did not come through for us than the times that they did.  So what, they cooked us dinner?  Came to our baseball games? Went out of the way to listen to my problems?  They're supposed to do that, they're family.

The experiences we code as "negative" impact us so much more than "positive" as well.  Studies show that troubling images and negative words impact the brain 5xs as much as good or uplifting images or words.  Why is that?  Scientists postulate that it may have to do with survival.  Threats to our livelihood needed to have a greater impact on our minds so we could take swift action.


So what does all this mean for feeling better?  On the bright side, it means that your emotions are pliable, and that a little bit of effort can completely alter our mental state.  Many times we just accept our feelings and think there is nothing we can do to change it.  "It is what it is!" We say.  That's where a perspective shift can come in handy.  Here are some simple ways to feel better now, right now.

1.  Write down how you are feeling.
Grab a paper and pen, or sit at the computer, and just begin to write it all down.  Thoughts carry an energy that can be released when you express them.  Writing, especially, is wonderful for this because getting your thoughts down linearly make them easier to process.  Sometimes, when we are upset, we get into circular thinking in which we are constantly thinking about the problem.  Simply write them down, put them in an email to us if you want! (miylana@aol.com) Try to use the space of writing to process where the thoughts and feelings are coming from.

2.  Shake it off.
Literally! No really!  Get up.  This is so helpful whether you are feeling angry or sad.   Put on some high tempo music and just shake it off.  Move around.  Dance if you want to.  Allow yourself to really express the anger and try to visually imagine physical energy dropping off you into the ground where it can be processed.  If you're feeling sad, watch that sluggish grief fall away and reveal the abundance of joy you have at your core.

3.  Go out in nature.
Nature has such a healing and beneficial effect on us.  Studies show that just 20 minutes in nature can greatly change the way our brain is processing information.  Go someplace quiet and sit.  Notice the natural world around you.  Or go for a walk, and let the movement and changing landscape help to quiet your mind.  We often forget that we are an aspect of nature that has, for many of us, removed ourselves from the natural world.  Being in a natural setting calls to the part of us that is nature itself.  Did you know the mineral compositions found in the ocean are also found in the human body, at the same percentages?  This fact alone implies just how much apart of nature we are; and how much it is apart of us.

4.  Imagine being someplace peaceful.
If you can't leave for a walk or dance, maybe you are at work, then go someplace for 10 minutes and visualize somewhere that makes you happy and is peaceful. Breathe deep, and imagine being there.  Studies show that the areas of the brain in charge of perception and the areas of the brain responsible for imagination are very similar.  That means that our brains don't necessarily know the difference between when we see the beach when we are there on the weekend, and when we are imagining being at the beach when we are actually sitting at the desk.  Conjure the feeling of your special place with all of your five senses.  The imagination is incredibly powerful.  Think about what this means when you are imagining potential negative scenarios in your mind or watching negative TV- your brain may think that those bad things are actually happening to you and may create a stress response in you.  And we wonder why we are stressed out!?

5.  Think positive thoughts.
If these other options aren't working for you, then we suggest consciously thinking positive thoughts or words.  Affirmations are an example of positive thinking that helps to re-wire a brain that is used to negative thinking.  You have to start somewhere!  Look at happy videos online, or funny pictures.  Surround yourself in your office and home with images that make you happy or are inspiring to you.  Even just thinking positive words like beauty, love, kindness, gentleness, caring, joy, abundance, happiness, and etc. can start to do the work of creating a neutral mindset, if not a positive one.  Remember that negative experiences have 5x the impact of positive ones, so that means it will take 5xs the effort to set you just back to neutrality after something that's upset you, like an argument or a stressful car ride, etc.

The thing that is most distressing is when people don't do these simple tasks to feel better because they don't think it's worth it, or think that they don't deserve to feel better.  The simple fact that these exercises work is proof enough to me that it is your right to feel better! Why else would it be so easy to alter your attitude?  If you can do it, why wouldn't you do it?  Your mind is a bundle of synapses and chemicals that work together to create a rough estimation of what's happening around and to you.  For the most part, many of us just let it do it's thing and think that if we are feeling bad, we must deserve it on some level.  Why else would we be feeling this way?  Studies show though, that so much of those emotions are arbitrary, or dictated by survival instincts that aren't compatible with today's world.  We can use the way our minds' work to improve our lives, so let's do it!  You deserve to feel good.  All it takes is a change of perspective!  Let me know how it goes!