Entity Outbreak!

THERE SEEMS TO BE A STRANGE OUTBREAK, DO YOU HAVE THE SYMPTOMS?​

We've been noticing a startling trend recently. Many clients are coming in with eerily similar things going on - aches and pains, feeling out of sorts, and feeling depressed or overwhelmed. Janice, as you will know if you've read this blog before, has the gift of clairvoyance. This gift has given her the ability to scan someone's energetic field. Surprisingly, she is finding more and more often that there are energetic entities attaching themselves to clients, family, friends and others.  

"Whenever I see a trend especially as much and as often as I have with this one lately. It is a heads up to pay attention, these lower energy entities are working overtime to keep us stuck in negativity. Although Entities are not a new phenomenon in our line of work. The number and frequency of them, however, is certainly way more than I have ever experienced. What accounts for this dramatic shift? It feels like a great way to get in the way of our ascension, as the vibration is getting higher and higher and we are shifting into new ways and awareness, there are lower energies that really want to try and stop us from this change," Janice said.

There seems to be a predictable trend for the entities that we are seeing.  There are some that are causing chaos, so the others can attach more easily to us. The only way for them to attach is when we are overwhelmed, stressed out, over tired, and are vibration is lowered. The way Janice describes it is that there are a few different types of entities. Some don't really have higher consciousness. These just follow their instinct, almost like an insect whose main goal is just to sustain itself. There are some who are more highly conscious who know what they are doing and try to actively lower your vibration. Finally, there are regular spirit entities, which are more like passed on spirits who've been stuck on this plane. The ones we are seeing often now are the ones who are more like parasites, whose presence makes you think and feel more negatively. When many things happen at once, and we begin to feel overwhelmed, entities may be circling around us creating the feeling of pressure, foreboding, and anxiety that takes our concerns to the next level. If you typically are pretty cool under pressure, and all of the sudden something you would normally be able to manage without too much effort is making you pull your hair out; you may have some energetic parasites working against you.

Once you feel overwhelmed, stressed, depressed or sad, the entities break into your energy field, attaching themselves to particularly weak areas (have you been feeling emotional? Maybe they'd attach to your stomach. Feeling like you can't speak your mind, perhaps your throat then). This is important because people often start to feel aches or pains in this area. If you have developed a backache out of nowhere that is persistent but hard to diagnose; it may be that is because the thing causing it is not visible to the naked eye.

Why do energy parasites do this? Well, like their more 3D cousins, parasites require a host to thrive. It's not that they are particularly nefarious or anything; they are just doing what they know how to do. They need energy to live, and you happen to have some. So they look for or create ways to attach to you. 

The effect of this is that you may feel overtired, drained or just plain off. Well, of course you do, because your energy is being diverted to something else without your knowledge! 

These things are often strange looking, but they aren't very threatening when you get down to it. They often take the appearance of leeches, crustaceans or snails, or may even look like odd bug-like things. 

So how do you check for entities?

Before your imaginations run wild, while this may seem scary; it really isn't.  Think of parasite removal of your body the same as you would for your garden.  You have a pest?  It's not a big deal, you just have to get the right tools to get rid of it, and protect the garden with additional security measures in the future.

Ways People Have Known They Have a "Stowaway":
- sudden or drastic change in behavior, especially behaviors leaning towards self-sabotage.
- suddenly feeling more tired, negative, or anxious without any real reason behind it.
- seeing an entity in a dream or visualization.
- having unexplainable persistent ache or pain.
- a low grade constant feeling of fear or feelings of being stuck.
- avoidance of an empath, psychic and/or healers
- feeling "under attack."
- a memory, even from long ago, of feeling that something else was there.
- being drawn to things you wouldn't normally be drawn to (ex: drugs, alcohol, harmful behavior)

If you are experiencing one or more of these issues, you may have some sort of an energetic attachment.  Let's find out with the following:

Exercise to Help Discover "Stowaways"
Sit in a quiet place.
Imagine yourself surrounded in the white light of love and protection.
Call in your high white light angels, guides, masters and loved ones.
Mentally locate the ache, pain, feeling of fear, or anxiety and confront it. Ask yourself the following and listen for the answers.  They will come immediately and they will feel almost instinctual.

• Is this me?
• Is this an energy attachment?
• Is this an entity?
• Is this a spirit that needs help passing on?

Let the answers come.  If you feel like the source is something other than you, please contact us to schedule an entity removal.  Remember, that these entities don't really want to be removed and they may try to sabotage you're coming by creating time conflicts, instigating lapses in memory, or other "technical" difficulties.  It's important that you have someone who knows what they are doing to help the transition.  Just asking the entity to leave gives it permission to attach to someone else, or even you again after time has passed.
 
If you aren't having difficulty with any of the above symptoms, chances are you are clear. You will want to keep your vibration high, however, to ensure that you stay protected. Common ways to keep your vibration high include meditating, doing yoga, going for walks in beautiful areas, dancing, singing and the like. If you have a bad day, don't stress too much, we all have bad days. If, however, that bad day continues and if you have a habit of turning to drugs or alcohol or other destructive tendencies when you are feeling depressed then maybe consider adding extra protection and scheduling an appointment. These parasite like things tend to be able to attach easier when we are feeling down or have our faculties at a disadvantage, as they are when we drink too much.

If you have any questions, feel free to reach out to us at miylana@aol.com!

If Relaxation is So Great, Why'd They Make It So Hard?

We've all heard the normal relaxation techniques: deep breathing, get a massage or meditate, get outside and go for a walk. These things are great, but what if you can't do them right now or don't have the time or money? Then they certainly won't help. Or what if they just aren't your thing? Not everyone is going to love yoga, afterall.

There are many ways to relax in this world, but finding what works for you is hard when we are strapped for time. Many people may not consider unconventional options. Take a look below and maybe you'll find that something slightly off the beaten path is more your style.

HERE'S 5 WEIRD WAYS TO RELAX!

  
1. ASMR 

ASMR stands for Autonomous Sensory Meridian Response, and it is a growing field of interest to researchers. Take a look at an ASMR video on youtube, and you may be going, 'Huh?" but the results of listening or watching one are pretty interesting. The theory is that low stimulus sounds, such as whispering, the sound of someone flipping a magazine page, or brushing sand around, are actually very soothing, and help to activate brain waves usually associated with relaxation. It won't necessarily work for everyone, and some sounds might work better than others, but it's gaining interest and followers. Some videos on youtube have upwards of 400,000 views... that's pretty interesting! So go on youtube when you're at work or trying to chill out at home, and find a video. Maybe put in your headphones to block out other sounds, and see if it helps you to relax. Some ASMR-ers also report tingling sensations up their spine, around their skull, and in their hands and feet.

2. Scream 

Far different from listening to the soft soothing sounds of ASMR, sometimes, you just got to get out all the feels. Screaming can be a nice way to rev up and release. If you have a pillow, it might be better to use it to scream into rather than alarm the neighbors by yelling at the top of your lungs outside (that's how the police get called)!  Getting out a good yell can be cathartic, and release energy that may be blocked by stuck emotions. Don't be surprised if you end up having a good cry after your scream. If that happens, just know that whatever was stuck and been cleared, and let your body express itself how it needs. You'll definitely feel better after, and may even be able to come to a better solution because things are flowing more!

3. Rage

One level up from screaming would be raging. Raging would mean getting your body involved. You want to make sure you are alone for this one. Remember, we're not yelling at ourselves, or hurting ourselves or others, but we are going to release pent up anger, frustration, and other pesky emotions by running amok, so to speak. Maybe hit your pillow instead of just screaming into it, run around, punch the air (and only the air), kick, spin around, roll on the ground kicking and screaming, and just let it all out. I often think we do ourselves a disservice by teaching children to store their emotions away rather than let it out with a good tantrum. Life's tough! We could learn something from our youngers, and remember that it's important to respect and honor our feelings by expressing them. If you've been swallowing feelings of anger, frustration, and been overwhelmed, and stressed recently; then a good rage tantrum should do the trick. Just remember to use it as a tool rather than a behavior to fall back on when you're upset over something. Solving the problem should always be number one, but if you are having trouble releasing the frustration the problem created, then a good rage may be just the ticket.

4. Play a game

If you have kids or a dog, then getting out and playing chase, tag, keep away, or something of the sort can really help you make a big shift. If you are without playmates right at the moment, then consider signing up for a league of some sort in a game that you enjoy playing. It doesn't have to be sports either. I have roommates that de-stress by playing video games, but getting your body moving isn't a bad idea, either. Moving around, channeling your energy into something fun and constructive may be just what you need to get out the things that are bothering you and help you see it all from a new perspective.

5. Write a strongly worded letter to whatever is bother you

The letter doesn't have to be to a person, either. I have drafted a letter to the dishwasher before. In the letter I asked the dishwasher why, exactly, it needed to break the same week that I was starting a new job, having my landlord do a walk through, and didn't have the time or the energy to deal with fixing it. While I didn't send the letter (...to the dishwasher, that wouldn't make sense!) because just getting out my frustration with the turn of events helped me to get over it and move on. Writing things down is proven to help you to process them, and release the associated emotions. So whether it's to the dishwasher, or the car, or to Uncle Bill, or the guy who cut you off on the highway, get the emotions out by writing them down. Sending the letter is optional, and not always recommended, but writing it is a help all on it's own!

Manifestation Magic: How to Get What You Want.

MANIFESTATION IS NO TRICK, BUT HOW DOES IT WORK?

HERE'S 7 STEPS TOWARDS CREATING WHAT YOU WANT!

We decided to put down seven steps on the magic of manifestation. Why seven steps? Because seven is a lucky number, of course! Manifestation is supposed to be fun.  We like to make everything way more serious than it needs to be, which goes against the process of creation. Not that you can't create serious things, of course you can and people do, but at some level; it's good if we can enjoy the process.  If we're constantly pushing ourselves to create things that we think we ought to do, rather than things we really want to do, we may get burnt out on creating and think that in fact, it's not that much fun when really it's how we're doing it that makes it challenging!  We think we need to trudge along and lug every boulder to build what we want, but often its a matter of putting yourself out there time and again and being observant for opportunities. Before you know it, your moment will arrive. If you want more fun times with this, come to our Vision Board Workshop this coming Monday, February 8th at 6:30pm in Monroe, CT (video tutorial to follow for all our non-local readers). Email us for more information!

7 Steps For Magical Manifestation!

1. Get a Clear Idea of What You Want.

You can't make anything happen for yourself when you aren't being clear about what you want. If you are unsure what you want right now but know you want something, see what you think about when you aren't self-editing your inner monologue. What do you dream about, whether it's day dreaming or while you are asleep? You may find that there is some correlation. It may be something as simple as finding yourself saying "I've always wanted..." in a conversation. What is it that you've always wanted, but have put off? What is the next adventure you want to embark on? There's so much we can do in our world. Try not to put too much pressure on yourself as you consider your options. Remember, it's supposed to be fun. Think about yourself as an explorer. What have you always wanted to try?

2. Write Down What You Want. 

Try to be as detailed as possible - not in the way you are going to get it- but the details of having it. What does it look, smell, feel like? Who is with you? What are your aims? How do you feel when you have this thing? Once you have a clear idea of the specifics of what you want, think about it - often. Recreate the experience of having it in your mind, and place yourself there. You can also make a vision board! What is a vision board? It's a collection of words, pictures, and concepts that you want to create in your life. If you want to be walked through this process, come to our vision board workshop this coming Monday! If you're not local, keep an eye out for the video tutorial to follow. OR sign up for our email list.

3. Keep an Eye on False Beliefs that Go Against What You Want

Do any of the items on your list seem to conflict with each other? Such as, if you want to advance in your career but you also want to spend more time with your kids, do you have an innate belief that these two can't happen at the same time? That's what we call a false belief. Many people are able to be both successful and family-oriented. Do you believe that you are capable or worthy of the thing you want? If the answer is no, then we need to start to change that script.

4. Catch yourself when you're thinking negatively.

In order to change the script, you need to keep an eye on your mental dialogue. Sometimes we are so caught up in what's happening that we fail to see that our mind is doing much interpreting of the events of our life. Where are you assuming and jumping to conclusions about in your life? How often do you think negative thoughts about yourself? How often do you say: I can't do it, I don't know, or I'm not ready?

• If you catch yourself saying something negative or that conflicts with what you want to manifest say: Cancel, cancel, cancel! And then re-envision yourself with that thing!

5. Look For Opportunities That Come To You - Develop Awareness

After you have made it clear what you want, you have to keep your eyes open! Remember the anecdote about the man who prayed every day to win the lottery and at some point an angel comes to him and says, "Hey, do us a favor, buy a ticket!"  You have to meet your dreams half way! You always want to stay as relaxed as possible and do away with stress. This is an important step for creating more awareness as it's hard to stay focused if we are over-stressed. Mindful meditation or hypnotherapy is a great way to begin to attune your mind to details you might miss if you are too stressed, distracted, or overwhelmed to notice when an opportunity is looking you in the face!

6.Note Successes With Gratitude! 

When you have made a step towards what you want, celebrate! Don't let the important steps you take towards manifesting what you want go unnoticed! Remember, Rome wasn't built in a day. Keep an eye out for opportunities to celebrate, even if they are small. It's important to reiterate and reaffirm that you want your goal and practice gratitude for the things you have been given. Pat yourself on the back for taking advantage of opportunities to move forward, even if it's in small ways! 

7. Let It Go and Have Faith!

Manifesting something small, like an extra twenty bucks this week, may take less time than manifesting something more involved like a big promotion (although maybe not!) It all depends. But the thing to keep in mind is that manifestation works for us, and works much better if we aren't sitting there actively being aware of how the thing we want hasn't arrived yet. This may actually be blocking you from seeing an opportunity to create what you want. You must stay open to possibility. You may get a big promotion, but in a vastly different way that you expected to! It may take time, but as long as you put in there that you want things to happen in a way that has your best interest at heart, you'll be in good hands. Have faith that what you want will find you and remain open to it showing up. Know that it's coming!

Let us hear your stories on manifestation! Have you ever had something you wanted show up out of the blue? 

Coping with Depression at the Holidays

What About When the Most Wonderful Time of the Year.... Isn't....

​​The bright lights and cheerful music can create an ironic backdrop when you're not feeling your best, or when the time of year coincides with sad anniversaries.

Yesterday was the anniversary of the Sandy Hook shooting, which happened not too far away in Newtown, CT.  What a tragic event that was, and how awful for the families who must go into the Holiday season with the recollection of that day and the losses suffered.

In some ways, the Holidays operate as a large collaborative accounting of people's year.  I don't think we intend to, but we put an awful lot of pressure on each other at this time of year to "show up."  Personally, putting up lights, getting a tree, decorating it, and grabbing small gifts and making sure I don't forget anyone or anything starts to feel a bit forced when I'm trying to squeeze it into an already overwhelmed schedule.  

It's easy to feel like you just can't stack up at this time of year.  Even people who generally "have it all together" will fall to pieces at the Holidays if things aren't just so.  

Janice has said that the illusions and fears we hold about life will get bigger and bigger until we do something to address it.  I feel that the Holiday charade has gotten so large, with people literally running each other over to be the first in line, that it seems that the time has come to change how we do this a little bit.

If you're feeling down at the Holidays, try to hang on to the meaning in the season; not the fabricated version, but the intended meaning: gratitude, caring for each other and inner awareness.

Common Holiday Emotions and Tips to Manage Them:

Feelings Resulting from Perceived Lack - Lack is meaning anything that you don't have that you wish you did or think that you should.  Things that might fall into this category include money, time, success, having a family, or partner.  This may cause people to feel sad, frustrated, or even angry that things aren't different.

Tips to Manage: Instead of focusing on what you don't have or what you wish was different, make a list of things that you do have that you can be grateful for.  

• Money lack: If you don't have alot of money to buy people gifts, see what you do have and try to do something thoughtful that won't break the bank.  It doesn't help anyone for all of us to be spending ourselves into the poorhouse.  Making something is a wonderful way to show someone that you care, even if it's cardboard ornaments, or a reusable rice heating pad.  

• Time lack: If you feel like you don't have enough time to do what you want then take a look at where your time is going.  Keep track of your movements for three days.  Where does your time mostly go?  Sometimes awareness shows us that we aren't using time to it's greatest advantage.  If you want to go Holiday shopping, perhaps you can schedule that in over a few days, rather than trying to do a marathon store run.  Online shopping also makes it easier to manage time and shopping.  If you just wish you had more time to spend with loved ones, communicate that to them, and perhaps create space away from tech and tv to have some quality time.  No plan gets created if people don't express their interest or need for one!

• Lack in Success:  Like money lack, success lack often results from looking at what we don't have rather than what we do.  What have you accomplished this year?  If you take a look at everything that happened this year, you may be surprised to see that you did way more than you thought.  Don't compare yourself to someone else.  Everyone is fighting their own battle, and you don't know what someone else's life is like, no matter what pretense they may put up.  If you've taken steps to pursue your own happiness in any capacity this year, and I bet you have, then you have been, and continue to be, successful.

• Lack in Family or Partner Relationships: If you struggle with feeling that your personal relationships should be further along than they are or if you are coping with loneliness at the Holidays then consider why you feel this way.  Everything has two sides.   Relationships and families have their own stresses and pressures.  While it may seem attractive from the outside, getting involved and creating a family in the wrong circumstances will not solve your problem of loneliness.  Waiting for the "right" one may feel like an endless wait, but feeling like your life should be further along is pointless if the person you're meant to be with just hasn't arrived into your life yet.  Find a way to take the focus off of you, maybe by volunteering or giving back in some way.  Many, many elders spend the Holidays alone.  Again, be grateful for the ones in your life, spend time with them, and see what you can learn from the friendships and other connections you do have rather than pining for something you don't.

Feelings Resulting from Not Being Able to Do It All -  Juggling alot at the Holidays has become a skill that even a circus clown would find challenging.  I personally know many people who begin their Christmas shopping in September just to get ahead of the curve.  Between getting something special for the ones you love, trying to spend quality time, baking and cooking, preparing for Holiday dinners, and getting all the decorations up, you're somehow supposed to have time to relax and reflect on the season.  Many of us never get to that last part.

Tips to Manage:  What can you cut out without too much of a backlash, while still enjoying the season.  What, really, are your priorities, and what do you only think you should do?  Focus on your priorities, and let the other stuff go.  If you don't actually enjoy decorating the house, foundation to roof, in Christmas lights, then don't do it!  Invest your time in the things that will bring you joy, and you'll be more joyful - imagine that!

Feelings of Not Feeling Cared About - It's easy to feel slighted at the Holidays.  Everyone is running around crazy.  Especially if we have a belief of not being cared about, it's easy to find that proof in Holiday gifts or lack thereof, people not pitching in, or feeling that your good intentions are going unnoticed.  If you want to find out more about how to manage this particular belief, I suggest tuning into our podcast: How to Survive Earth School, available on Itunes and Soundcloud, for a special episode on How to Survive the Holidays!  


In Conclusion:
Be well, everyone.  Remember to shake it off, and I highly suggest taking one of Janice's classes on learnitlive.com to learn more about how energy and other people's emotions can easily be transferred to us.  It's really important, especially since most people are much more sensitive than they believe, that we all start understanding how we affect each other!

​- Christine

Gratitude Exercises For Happiness

When Thanksgiving comes around, we may often find ourselves running back to the grocery store at 10am for that last minute purchase, pulling our hair out, or engaged in a seething inner argument about whether to let that last comment from Aunt Edna go, rather than practicing gratitude as the Holiday suggests.

It brings up an interesting aspect of the Holidays.  The meaning of the season often gets left behind as people scramble for Black Friday deals, and bend over backwards to give their families the best that they can with limited time and, often, limited budgets.

In a recent newsletter sent out to our mailing list, Janice implores us to remember that there are many people in the world who cannot celebrate or do not have anyone to celebrate the holidays with.  It's a good reminder, especially as we eye Aunt Edna gearing up for a tirade...

In years past, the holidays have felt forced to me.  Thanksgiving's original celebration seems overshadowed by the grim events that followed for the indigenous people who were helpful to the settlers that first Thanksgiving.  Christmas, too, has felt less and less about the original purpose i.e. celebrating the religious holiday and birth of Christ, and more like a consumption riddled frenzy.  I'm not religious, so attempts to make it feel more sacred aren't necessarily the answer.

Somewhere under all the glitter, and the signs, and the deals, and the gluttony; there is a real reason for celebrating the holidays.  I would like to tease this out of the rituals and habits visited each season without much thought.

It seems to make sense to go back to the root of the Holidays.  Despite what happened since; Thanksgiving is a day in which friends and family gather, after the Harvest, to express their thankfulness.  Gratitude itself is such a wonderful and important part of a healthy lifestyle.  Many studies have shown that those that practice gratitude everyday tend to be more optimistic and healthier.

This article from Harvard mentions several such studies where the outcome proved, once again, all the benefits of practicing gratitude.

If we are to take anything from the Holidays; perhaps it should be that this feeling is one that shouldn't occur only once or twice a year, but something that we practice all year long.

This isn't a new concept, by any means, but it's one that we see people struggling to put into action.

Exercises for gratitude can include:

• Journaling each day and listing something you are grateful for, no matter how inane or seemingly unimportant.
• Remembering to thank the people in your life for their assistance and for going out of their way for you.
• Looking at the things we often feel plagued or upset by and trying to find something positive in it; perhaps a lesson learned, a connection, or recognition of having overcome it.  Be grateful for the silver lining.
• At meal times remembering to be thankful for your food, and sharing that gratitude out loud with those you may eat with, or thanking those that prepared the meals not only verbally but in your actions (perhaps by helping to clean up).

Christmas, too, can have the the true meaning teased out.  If Thanksgiving is expressing thanks and practicing gratitude, that I see Christmas as a time of giving and showing people we care and appreciate them.  Here are some of the ways to do this other than opening you wallet too wide:

• Have a story time, let everyone share something from their life that the others may not know and really listen to them.  Our culture typically has us glossing over the meaningful things in our lives and staying very surface with each other.  Practice deep listening.
• Make something for someone, especially something that you know that they really need.  Again, this means having listened and paid attention to each other.
• Do something nice for the other person, if that means helping them dig snow or clean up the house, bake something or invite them to dinner.  Actions can often speak louder than words.  What has someone in your life been putting off for a long time that you can help with?
• Let people know you love and appreciate them.  Use the traditional 12 days of Christmas as a starting point, and maybe leave them a note for each day with something else you appreciate about them.  If we do not tell someone we care and appreciate them, they may not know!

In other suggestions, planning to do something together in the future, or to work on a project together, create something, or help another with something, go on a trip or otherwise spend time together is another wonderful way to surpass the over-materialism of the Holidays.  

Experiences and spending time together is what it's all about, learning and growing with each other!  

Let me be clear that I have nothing specifically against present giving - it's more the unconscious purchasing of things that people do not need or cannot use very much just as a sort of throw away giving that I dislike. The world needs us to be more thoughtful with our consumption, and in the end; I believe it detracts from the purpose of the season.  If getting the mashed potatoes just right is going to take you away from actually enjoying your Holiday, then screw the mashed potatoes and eat chips with your turkey.  

Let yourself have fun and play with the Holiday, trying your best but not beating yourself up if for some reason it doesn't go the way you expected.  

Focus on your intention of gratitude and giving and all will go right!

​
- Christine

Who is a Bully?

We've all had issues with bullying in some capacity....


 "Don't pick on her," Jessica said angrily.  We all stood stock still, gaping at the girl who said something to the ones picking on a girl in our class, Maddie.

"Thank you, Jessica," Maddie said in a way that made it seem like she just won an academy award.  I was shocked.  Who was I in all this? I was the bully, and Jessica had just stood up for the girl I was bullying.

I don't remember what I had said to Maddie, but a few friends and I were poking fun at her.  We were in 5th grade. 

The reason we bullied Maddie is because, honestly, she was an easy target.  She was different, maybe a little nerdy, and a little socially awkward.  Basically, she was everything I didn't want to be (but was, anyway) and since I didn't like myself and was afraid to be myself, it seemed the thing to do was to attempt to separate out the things I didn't like about myself.  I did this by finding them in someone else and ridiculing them for it.  I was trying to prove that I was different than her, but instead I made myself into something far worse - a hypocrite and a bully.  It took a long time to figure out what I was doing and begin to accept and appreciate the pieces of myself that I had made fun of in Maddie.

It all seems pretty cut and dry, but there's more to it than that.  Through my work with Janice; I've begun to learn about energy and beliefs. Have you ever been feeling fine, and then you'll get a phone call from someone who is complaining about something they are trying to do and how they can't get it right?  Instead of just calmly being able to answer their question or reassure them they can do it,  you may begin to feel angry or frustrated with them. You respond with criticism or lash out; telling them that they should know how to do this already or ask them, "how many times are you going to call me with the same stupid thing," etc.  What we don't realize is this:

People who feel bad about themselves can draw out anger, frustration, or ridicule with their energy, especially from those closest to them. We can mirror what others feel about themselves without even realizing that is what is happening. 

Have you ever been feeling really bad about yourself, like you just can't do it, or you feel like you're a real screw up; and then someone comes along and says something to reinforce this idea?

I'll give you an example: I was running behind one morning and didn't clean up my dishes from breakfast.  As I'm walking out the door, I am feeling frustrated, like I just can't get anything right, be on time for anything, and am generally just a disaster.  As I am driving to work; I get a message from my roommate "Can you please clean up after yourself!? You always leave things a mess!" it said.  I already felt bad about not being able to do my dishes, and I was beating myself up for running late.  Then, I get this message and it just reiterates to me that I am a screw up.  

It felt awful.  But is it real?  

My roommate was responding to the way I already felt, and her emotions, fears, and beliefs got mixed in there too.

Bullies and their victims often share similar beliefs.  Often, they both feel there is something wrong with them, that they won't be accepted the way they are, that they don't matter, and/or that they can't do anything right.  For these reasons, they feel they are different or don't fit in.  We often hear in our work that people feel like they just don't really belong, that no one will accept them the way they are and that no one really cares.  Underlying all of this, are the feelings that we are "not good enough."  The difference is in what people do with it.  Some people hide, and hold their energy in close to themselves. They are fearful that others will see their flaws and they try to keep people from seeing them.  They don't feel good about themselves and try not to draw attention to themselves. They can feel very victimized by the people around them and the world.

The second type of person is someone whose fear and dislike for themselves is also profound, but instead of turning in; they turn out. The will strike first, draw attention to others, ridicule, can be abusive and mean.  By doing this, they feel more powerful. Instead of being the victim they become the victimizer.  They use their abusive actions and judgements to make themselves feel better, feel like they matter, and/or are important. They instead choose to focus that dislike outside themselves and blame others.  

People are afraid to really be seen, but how we handle it will differ from person to person.  A bully and their victim typically have more in common then people really realize.  It is a relationship that is built on the beliefs they share about themselves.  It is almost more like a dance.  One of the ways Janice helps people manage bullies is to teach them about this energy connecting them, and help them to alter or change it so that the bully isn't drawn so much towards the would-be victim.  She also emphasizes the need for the group to stand up against bullies.  Many people are afraid that they'll be next if they stand up to a bully, but typically a person who doesn't feel bad about themselves already can stand up to a bully and avoid becoming a victim.  Even if the bully says something mean; it won't affect them because they feel good about themselves.

Bullying is a real problem, and one of the biggest issues with it is that a lot of adults actually bully. It may seem different, or that we have a good reason for the way we treat others. The judgement, the hate, and the fear may feel different than when we were children.  We may have grown up but we, most of us anyway, have not grown out of our own insecurities that we felt as children. We are the role models for our children and what we teach them, whether we know it or not, is very much the same cycle as what we learned.  It is possible to change this, but it must change from a standpoint of awareness, not blame. Most of us don't go around hurting others on purpose, and if we do it is because we feel we have been hurt. 

Bullying isn't a child thing, it's a people thing and a world epidemic.

That's why we call our program Bullying Exposed.  We are working on getting to the root causes of bullying: which are our feelings of low self worth and self esteem, and our feelings of not being good enough.  We try so hard to be the same or to fit in with the crowd instead of embracing our differences. 

Bullies are really people who are just afraid of their own insecurities.  When kids, adults, organizations, or governments bully; it's because they are afraid.  Often, they are trying to make themselves feel better by highlighting the difference between themselves and the people or ideas they are ridiculing.

​We have to help people who abuse, try to control, make fun, and cut others down understand what they are actually doing, which is really just hiding behind their fear/anger and not actually dealing with the real problem.  They think that by hurting others; they will make themselves feel better.  Well, I can tell you from first hand experience that this is not the case.  When Jessica stood up for Maddie that day; I felt really bad about what I had done.  Here, Jessica was one of the more popular girls in school, and I wasn't.  The fact that she would stand up for Maddie, a girl who I considered "below me" really stuck with me, and I realized that what I had done was wrong and I was really mad at myself.  I had been punishing myself for a long time for that, believing myself to be a mean or bad person, and treating myself as if I was.

It is worth noting that the teacher was right there, and hadn't said anything to myself or the other girls.  It was only Jessica who said something, and then, after the fact, the teacher gave her a pat on the back for sticking up for Maddie.  Janice says that this is actually a good thing.  The adults shouldn't get involved with the group dynamics of the kids.  Children need to learn to band together as a group to stand up against bullies.  Otherwise, they will always be looking for an authority figure to protect them or handle their problems.  This is all well and good until there isn't one to be found.  

As a side note- I really wish that at some point, the teacher had spoken to me about why I bullied Maddie, and helped me understand that the anger and frustration I was feeling was a normal thing to feel at that age, but that I needed to find ways to deal with it other than lashing out.  Another options was if she had helped to facilitate a talk with Maddie where we went into bigger depth about what it had made Maddie feel for me to be mean to her, and why I had done it in the first place.  It's important to realize that bullies are hurting too.  They just are funneling that pain into anger and hate rather than into sadness.  I'm not saying it's excusable, especially when people know better, but it is understandable, and what's more, given time, patience, and practice; I do believe it is possible to fix as well.  We need to expose the dynamic that creates bullies and we need to help victims to begin to gain self confidence and love for themselves so they don't present as targets so easily.

No one is truly a victim, we all have a choice about how we feel.  No one can make us feel anything.  They can try.  But on some level we have to agree with them.  We have a choice how we react to people.  Awareness is key.

It's worth mentioning that in my youth; I was bullied, too.  I had blocked this out for a long time,  but I remembered recently that in 3rd grade, my whole class made fun of me for having a crush on a boy.  I think someone had overheard me say something and it began to spread throughout the classroom.  Everyone began singing and chanting, "Christine has a crush on Jeremy" and I got really upset, and started to cry because he was sitting there.  I didn't go back to school for two weeks.  So, maybe that has something to do with why I wouldn't want to feel vulnerable anymore, and made fun of another girl.  And that is typically the way it will go.  Bullying is a cycle, just like abuse is a cycle.  People learn it somewhere, and it's usually because they have been hurt and don't want to let that happen again.  I have learned alot just from looking at the ways I have been hurt in my life and how I then changed my behavior to try to protect myself from further hurts.  If you've ever had an experience with bullying, whether you are the bullied or the bully; I highly suggest you begin to explore the programs we offer here at Miylana and Bullying Exposed.  Janice offers much in the way of workshops and resources to begin to identify the parts in you that were hurt, felt victimized, or lashed out to protect.  As Janice says,

"Most people are not trying to hurt you unless they are mentally unsound.  If they are hurting you, it's because they themselves are in pain."

Learn more about bullies and ways to use your energy to protect yourself, check out upcoming Energy Affects classes or our Bullying Exposed programs.