Who is a Bully?

We've all had issues with bullying in some capacity....


 "Don't pick on her," Jessica said angrily.  We all stood stock still, gaping at the girl who said something to the ones picking on a girl in our class, Maddie.

"Thank you, Jessica," Maddie said in a way that made it seem like she just won an academy award.  I was shocked.  Who was I in all this? I was the bully, and Jessica had just stood up for the girl I was bullying.

I don't remember what I had said to Maddie, but a few friends and I were poking fun at her.  We were in 5th grade. 

The reason we bullied Maddie is because, honestly, she was an easy target.  She was different, maybe a little nerdy, and a little socially awkward.  Basically, she was everything I didn't want to be (but was, anyway) and since I didn't like myself and was afraid to be myself, it seemed the thing to do was to attempt to separate out the things I didn't like about myself.  I did this by finding them in someone else and ridiculing them for it.  I was trying to prove that I was different than her, but instead I made myself into something far worse - a hypocrite and a bully.  It took a long time to figure out what I was doing and begin to accept and appreciate the pieces of myself that I had made fun of in Maddie.

It all seems pretty cut and dry, but there's more to it than that.  Through my work with Janice; I've begun to learn about energy and beliefs. Have you ever been feeling fine, and then you'll get a phone call from someone who is complaining about something they are trying to do and how they can't get it right?  Instead of just calmly being able to answer their question or reassure them they can do it,  you may begin to feel angry or frustrated with them. You respond with criticism or lash out; telling them that they should know how to do this already or ask them, "how many times are you going to call me with the same stupid thing," etc.  What we don't realize is this:

People who feel bad about themselves can draw out anger, frustration, or ridicule with their energy, especially from those closest to them. We can mirror what others feel about themselves without even realizing that is what is happening. 

Have you ever been feeling really bad about yourself, like you just can't do it, or you feel like you're a real screw up; and then someone comes along and says something to reinforce this idea?

I'll give you an example: I was running behind one morning and didn't clean up my dishes from breakfast.  As I'm walking out the door, I am feeling frustrated, like I just can't get anything right, be on time for anything, and am generally just a disaster.  As I am driving to work; I get a message from my roommate "Can you please clean up after yourself!? You always leave things a mess!" it said.  I already felt bad about not being able to do my dishes, and I was beating myself up for running late.  Then, I get this message and it just reiterates to me that I am a screw up.  

It felt awful.  But is it real?  

My roommate was responding to the way I already felt, and her emotions, fears, and beliefs got mixed in there too.

Bullies and their victims often share similar beliefs.  Often, they both feel there is something wrong with them, that they won't be accepted the way they are, that they don't matter, and/or that they can't do anything right.  For these reasons, they feel they are different or don't fit in.  We often hear in our work that people feel like they just don't really belong, that no one will accept them the way they are and that no one really cares.  Underlying all of this, are the feelings that we are "not good enough."  The difference is in what people do with it.  Some people hide, and hold their energy in close to themselves. They are fearful that others will see their flaws and they try to keep people from seeing them.  They don't feel good about themselves and try not to draw attention to themselves. They can feel very victimized by the people around them and the world.

The second type of person is someone whose fear and dislike for themselves is also profound, but instead of turning in; they turn out. The will strike first, draw attention to others, ridicule, can be abusive and mean.  By doing this, they feel more powerful. Instead of being the victim they become the victimizer.  They use their abusive actions and judgements to make themselves feel better, feel like they matter, and/or are important. They instead choose to focus that dislike outside themselves and blame others.  

People are afraid to really be seen, but how we handle it will differ from person to person.  A bully and their victim typically have more in common then people really realize.  It is a relationship that is built on the beliefs they share about themselves.  It is almost more like a dance.  One of the ways Janice helps people manage bullies is to teach them about this energy connecting them, and help them to alter or change it so that the bully isn't drawn so much towards the would-be victim.  She also emphasizes the need for the group to stand up against bullies.  Many people are afraid that they'll be next if they stand up to a bully, but typically a person who doesn't feel bad about themselves already can stand up to a bully and avoid becoming a victim.  Even if the bully says something mean; it won't affect them because they feel good about themselves.

Bullying is a real problem, and one of the biggest issues with it is that a lot of adults actually bully. It may seem different, or that we have a good reason for the way we treat others. The judgement, the hate, and the fear may feel different than when we were children.  We may have grown up but we, most of us anyway, have not grown out of our own insecurities that we felt as children. We are the role models for our children and what we teach them, whether we know it or not, is very much the same cycle as what we learned.  It is possible to change this, but it must change from a standpoint of awareness, not blame. Most of us don't go around hurting others on purpose, and if we do it is because we feel we have been hurt. 

Bullying isn't a child thing, it's a people thing and a world epidemic.

That's why we call our program Bullying Exposed.  We are working on getting to the root causes of bullying: which are our feelings of low self worth and self esteem, and our feelings of not being good enough.  We try so hard to be the same or to fit in with the crowd instead of embracing our differences. 

Bullies are really people who are just afraid of their own insecurities.  When kids, adults, organizations, or governments bully; it's because they are afraid.  Often, they are trying to make themselves feel better by highlighting the difference between themselves and the people or ideas they are ridiculing.

​We have to help people who abuse, try to control, make fun, and cut others down understand what they are actually doing, which is really just hiding behind their fear/anger and not actually dealing with the real problem.  They think that by hurting others; they will make themselves feel better.  Well, I can tell you from first hand experience that this is not the case.  When Jessica stood up for Maddie that day; I felt really bad about what I had done.  Here, Jessica was one of the more popular girls in school, and I wasn't.  The fact that she would stand up for Maddie, a girl who I considered "below me" really stuck with me, and I realized that what I had done was wrong and I was really mad at myself.  I had been punishing myself for a long time for that, believing myself to be a mean or bad person, and treating myself as if I was.

It is worth noting that the teacher was right there, and hadn't said anything to myself or the other girls.  It was only Jessica who said something, and then, after the fact, the teacher gave her a pat on the back for sticking up for Maddie.  Janice says that this is actually a good thing.  The adults shouldn't get involved with the group dynamics of the kids.  Children need to learn to band together as a group to stand up against bullies.  Otherwise, they will always be looking for an authority figure to protect them or handle their problems.  This is all well and good until there isn't one to be found.  

As a side note- I really wish that at some point, the teacher had spoken to me about why I bullied Maddie, and helped me understand that the anger and frustration I was feeling was a normal thing to feel at that age, but that I needed to find ways to deal with it other than lashing out.  Another options was if she had helped to facilitate a talk with Maddie where we went into bigger depth about what it had made Maddie feel for me to be mean to her, and why I had done it in the first place.  It's important to realize that bullies are hurting too.  They just are funneling that pain into anger and hate rather than into sadness.  I'm not saying it's excusable, especially when people know better, but it is understandable, and what's more, given time, patience, and practice; I do believe it is possible to fix as well.  We need to expose the dynamic that creates bullies and we need to help victims to begin to gain self confidence and love for themselves so they don't present as targets so easily.

No one is truly a victim, we all have a choice about how we feel.  No one can make us feel anything.  They can try.  But on some level we have to agree with them.  We have a choice how we react to people.  Awareness is key.

It's worth mentioning that in my youth; I was bullied, too.  I had blocked this out for a long time,  but I remembered recently that in 3rd grade, my whole class made fun of me for having a crush on a boy.  I think someone had overheard me say something and it began to spread throughout the classroom.  Everyone began singing and chanting, "Christine has a crush on Jeremy" and I got really upset, and started to cry because he was sitting there.  I didn't go back to school for two weeks.  So, maybe that has something to do with why I wouldn't want to feel vulnerable anymore, and made fun of another girl.  And that is typically the way it will go.  Bullying is a cycle, just like abuse is a cycle.  People learn it somewhere, and it's usually because they have been hurt and don't want to let that happen again.  I have learned alot just from looking at the ways I have been hurt in my life and how I then changed my behavior to try to protect myself from further hurts.  If you've ever had an experience with bullying, whether you are the bullied or the bully; I highly suggest you begin to explore the programs we offer here at Miylana and Bullying Exposed.  Janice offers much in the way of workshops and resources to begin to identify the parts in you that were hurt, felt victimized, or lashed out to protect.  As Janice says,

"Most people are not trying to hurt you unless they are mentally unsound.  If they are hurting you, it's because they themselves are in pain."

Learn more about bullies and ways to use your energy to protect yourself, check out upcoming Energy Affects classes or our Bullying Exposed programs.

The Season Of Change- How do I Change My Life

There are two things that we can all be looking at right now to totally transform our experience of the world.  The first is to look at what our energy is doing.  Energy, as we say, is everywhere and is everything.  From a blade of grass to the sun's rays, a beautiful piece of music, and the light flickering in the store; we relate to our world and each other through the exchange of energy.  Energy can come in many forms and we express it in many different ways.  Learning how to manage our energy is absolutely pivotal for this time.  What signals are you sending?  Identifying these will be the key to understanding your world.  Just as important is recognizing the energetic messages you are receiving.  We are a receptor as much as we are an antennae.  If you do not begin to actively work on identifying what messages are coming from outside of you; you will have a very challenging time going forward.  Have you been feeling crazy?  Overwhelmed?  Anxious?  Most likely, much of that feeling is coming from outside yourself.  If you do not recognize that the feeling is coming from outside yourself, however, the experience of life can be maddening.

What are you doing to manage the energy exchange in your life?  If your answer is nothing, we need to change that.

The second thing we can all be doing to totally transform our experience of the world is to begin to identify how what you believe, or what you expect from life, actually creates the experience of it.  The one thing we should all be asking ourselves is "what is this showing me?"

"What is this showing me" is a question to ask frequently to better see your patterns.  It calls your experience into question, and highlights the assumptions you are making day in and day out about life.  We assume so much, jump to conclusions, and live from an understanding based in our own false perception.  I know that it can seem utterly bizarre to think that you are creating your world, but you are.  Just remember that for every one explanation you have given to the reason something has happened; there are literally hundreds of others.

We are going to be exploring these topics much more going forward.  It's time to move from
"I know I should be doing this..." to actually doing it.  It's so important you do the work right now, and recognize the message you are sending to yourself and others through the communication of your energy and beliefs.

We have a few opportunities to go more in depth with these concepts.  I highly suggest you attend an Energy Affects class.  We have class a few times in November and December (www.miylana.com).  We are offering a two part seminar on energy.  These teleseminars are the beginning of training's we will be offering entitled Magic and Mysteries.  These first two will take an in depth look at the idea of energy and explore tools to protect yourself, project yourself more clearly, and recognize energetic messages from others.  If you still haven't shared this work with your friends and family; now is the time to do so.  It's so important that everyone begin to recognize just how they are creating their life and how energy works.  We can help so many people if we start to understand, use the tools, and more fully explain how all of this works.  It's time to give everyone the gift of new perception!
​
​- Christine

How to Raise Your Vibration

"Raise your vibration" is a term that is thrown around a lot these days, and especially in the sort of work we do here at Miylana.  Janice relays often that the earth is going through an intense period of change where the planet's vibration is becoming faster/higher.  If you are curious about how and why this is happening, I suggest an article by Our Ultimate Reality for an explanation on vibrational changes in our world.

Vibration can be used to describe the physical characteristic of a particle or wave, and this is it's more scientific usage.  We also use it to describe the feeling we may get from someone, as in "he gave me a weird vibe," or the Beach Boys' famous song "Good Vibrations."  For our purposes, these terms can be almost combined into the characteristic energy of a person or thing that another can perceive or detect.

One of the effects of the vibration of the Earth raising is that information, other people's energy and emotion, is traveling much faster.  This can effect us by making us feel ungrounded, really sensitive to things like light and sound or each other, and we may feel more emotional.  Emotions are energy too.  If you are all over the place with regard to your emotions, do some of the following exercises to help yourself ground and re-calibrate the energy.  These exercises help you to ride the wave of the energy, as opposed to being stuck under the swell getting crushed by the power of the breaking wave.  When you are aligned with the higher vibration, you will feel more joyous.  When you aren't, well then - watch out!

THOUGHTS, ENERGY, AND EMOTIONAL CONTAGIONS

Janice teaches that thoughts and feelings have energy.  I believe we can all relate to this idea.  When we meet up with a friend who is having a tough time, we may recognize that something is the matter before we even speak to them.  Our minds and bodies are very adept at picking up on cues, and so some people may explain this away as our subconscious minds being aware of the person's state of distress as evident from an obvious clue, like bags under their eyes, or clothes in disarray, etc.  But if a person has no perceivable change to their exterior, we can still recognize how they are feeling.  Sadness, happiness, and excitement all have characteristic energetic signatures that an attuned antennae can pick up from another person.

We can also pick up emotions from each other.  In Psychology, they call this the emotional contagion, and many studies confirm what we know intuitively.  One person feeling downtrodden or angry has been shown to effect the people close to them.  Thoughts, feelings, and even reading rude words, or being exposed to angry or violent media will also have an effect on how we feel and go about our lives.

We absorb the attitudes and emotions of what we are exposed to, and often act on them.  We feel less happy with ourselves and our performance when we are around unhappy people.  Even though this emotion begins with someone else, we take it on as our own.

Thoughts have energy - are energy, in fact.  Neurons in our brain interact, releasing various chemical and electrical signals.  Tendencies of human behavior including facial mimicry, and related brain chemistry indicate that we commonly and unintentionally pass around and feel the effects of another person's bad, or good mood.

Learning how to be in control, rather than at the whim of this process is a major aspect of working with Janice.  It often entails figuring out how to identify when something - a feeling or a thought - isn't actually yours, and learning to override it with your own, more positive, feeling or thought.  Practice makes perfect here.

So where does vibration come in?  While we cannot, yet, measure someone's vibration; the idea is that low vibrational energy encompasses all of the feelings we typically find uncomfortable, such as anger, fear, frustration, sadness, or worry.  These feelings often result in disordered thoughts, and chemical changes in the brain that increase in power the more these feelings are felt.  This contrasts to high vibrational energy.  High vibrational energy results from positive thinking, feelings like joy and happiness.  You might, literally, feel like you are walking on air.  This feeling is excited and gifts you with the feeling that you are elevated, aware and can see potential pitfalls and problems from above.  Others can also feel this heightened joyful feeling when they are around you, and may feel happier around you.

Still, it's easy to get wrapped up in a negative emotion and fall back into a lower vibration.

Studies have also shown that a negative event holds multiple times the impact of a positive one.  That means that when something bad happens, it makes a much bigger impression and takes longer to recover from than a positive event.  '“Put another way, you are more upset about losing $50 than you are happy about gaining $50,”' relays this article from the NY Times.  When we come into contact with a negative person, you are more likely to get pulled into their bad mood than pull them out of it.

So what does all this mean?  It means that you have to work, really work, to maintain a healthy positive or even just neutral outlook.  Our psychology, and our brains are hardwired to pay attention to the negative, to absorb those uncomfortable emotions from others, and to emulate them.

So let's talk about how to raise your vibration.  It should follow, based on the studies and information above, that much of it has to begin in the brain - with your thoughts.  I asked Janice what we should do to improve our vibration and make it easier to have a positive outlook.  Here's what she said:

A FEW WAYS TO RAISE YOUR VIBRATION:

1.  SHUT UP.

No, really, this is what she said.  She said we really need to shut up and listen more.  Not necessarily to each other, but to ourselves.  Our own thoughts.  She said many of us are not at all aware of what we are thinking, and so can more easily be affected by those around us.

2.  SAY/THINK SOMETHING POSITIVE- CREATE A MANTRA

Replace your repetitive inner monologue ("I have to get to the bank, I don't have time, I'm late for this thing, my friend is being an asshole, I want this thing and it's not happening, ugh!") with something much more positive.  Create your own personal mantra full of significant keywords for what you really need in your life: not a better job but more happiness, not more money but more abundance, not someone to listen to you and do what you want all the time but more love.

Ex: I am in the process of creating my life.  I now call more love, abundance, peace, and joy into my life.

Then repeat it.  Whenever you fall into a negativity trap and begin to feel dissatisfied, use your mantra, and smile.  Smiling has a wonderfully positive impact on the brain.

3.  TAKE A BREAK.

We're all running around like chickens with our heads cut off most of the time, are aren't in touch with how we really feel.  People really do need to learn to stop, and take a break.  In Janice's words, "feel the sun on your face."  When you do this, you may be surprised to see that you are actually feeling fine, and whatever was happening before was a result of rushing, or being around someone who is giving off some low vibrational energy.

4.  SHAKE IT OFF.

This is one of Janice's go to exercises.  Put on some upbeat music and shake, moving your body, and imagine excess energy falling into the Earth to be recycled.  Do this for a few minutes, and then put on a slower, more meditative song.  Stand still, rooted to the Earth.  Your hands should be placed on your belly below your belly button and over your hip bones.  Feel comfortable and breathe deep, imaging white light entering your head through the top of your skull and filling you from the bottom up.

IN CONCLUSION

While we still can't measure our own vibration and see where we are at on a high to low scale, we can certainly be aware of it and recognize that when we are feeling better; things go smoother, and we can find more joy in them.  High vibrational energy is all around us, carrying with it energetic signals and messages that come in the form of intuition when we can match them with our own high vibrational energy.  If we are vibrating lower, they may feel more like anxiety and seem overwhelming.  If we really aren't receptive to them, they can jam the circuits of our mind so to speak, and we may feel like hiding or numbing out.  Regardless, this energy is here to stay so the better choice would be to learn how to thrive in it.  If you do, you'll see that other things don't effect you so much, and that, what's more, you can have a positive impact on those around you.  Now, those are some good vibes.

Am I Psychic?

 Everyone has gifts.

The level to which we can access and utilize them is another matter.  Our psychic abilities are alot like other gifts, such as the gift of music, song, skills in sports, or business acumen, in that you have to practice and learn about it in order to hone your skills.


While some people are born with the ability to know and see far beyond what most of us are able to, we shouldn't get discouraged by the ease with which they access their gifts.  


Some people are born with this door more open, but some people are born as business prodigies and musical virtuosos, as well.  That doesn't mean that we shouldn't work on learning the instrument of our choice.  Most people don't have innate ability when it comes to their successes.


It turns out, that most, if not all people, had to work hard to get what they achieved.


So, what are the steps to accessing this knowledge?  This will range from person to person, but it certainly will begin with awareness of yourself.  If you are running from point A to point B, never taking a second to care for or inquire deeper about yourself- then you likely aren't developing the awareness to hear beyond your inner monologue.


The first thing you have to do to receive an answer is to ask a question.  If you aren't questioning, than this is your first mistake.


Here are a few steps to beginning to open to your own psychic abilities:


1.  Set aside time dedicated to yourself and to increasing your inner awareness.
For most people, psychic thoughts and feelings will come from inside as a intuitive "lurch," not in a movie-eque way with visions and involved dream sequences, although this may happen with time! (Hey, anything is possible so don't discount it..)

2.  During this time, close your eyes and really go within.  
Begin to play with your other senses.  See how far you can hear into the distance.  Put a series of objects in front of you and use your fingers to trace and explore them, use your sense of smell and taste to explore your environment.  Question yourself about what are sensing.  What do you notice that you hadn't noticed with your eyes open?

3. Exercise.
Our mind is more rested and more open when our body is tired.  So many people spend their days at the desk and then go home to flop on the couch.  Despite the exhaustion many of us feel at the end of the day, our body has unexpressed energy that it is holding onto; maybe it's frustration from an interaction with a co-worker or excitement over a promising deal; whatever it is, releasing is necessary.  Some suggestions include joining a sports league, doing yoga, dropping into a dance class, or hiking.  Whatever way you enjoy using your body, make time to do it. 

4.  Begin to question when you want to know something.
Start with small things.  Where is there a parking spot?  What time will my wife be back?  etc. etc.  See if you can begin to get answers to some of these questions.  You'll find the more you do this consciously, the easier it is to question subconsciously and start to get answers to the questions you are asking.

5.  Consciously note your predictions and intuitive feelings when they come true.
It's almost like a stream that starts as a trickle and begins to gain momentum.  Become aware and consciously make note of when when you are using your abilities.  This is a good way to better understand when a thought is your intuition knocking or when it is something that's been generated from your thoughts, feelings, wishes or fears.  Being an "active antenna" also makes it more likely that messages will be sent your way.  People tend not to send mail to an address that isn't checking the mailbox!

6.  Recognize the intersection of manifestation and psychic ability.
We all also have the power to manifest what we want.  The intersection between manifestation and psychic predictions can be confusing.  Did that thing happen because I wanted or feared it was going to happen or because I knew it would and it was inevitable?  Much of our lives are created by us and our thoughts and feelings.  Begin to play with the idea of creating your future from your desires.  Set intentions and create goals and action plans.  You may be surprised to see that this helps you to tap into your abilities, to foresee possible pitfalls, recognize when a person is an ally that can assist you, and attract more fortuitous coincidences.


Using these tips and practicing everyday will begin to open you up to the amazing amount of information that is bouncing around at any given moment.  Make sure you protect yourself when you begin to play with your psychic abilities in the white light of love and protection.  You want to surround your aura with a golden net to keep out negative energy.  Being more sensitive is wonderful, but you want to make sure you are only letting positivity and light into your sphere.

Have fun!  Let us know your results!


- Christine