Coping with Depression at the Holidays

What About When the Most Wonderful Time of the Year.... Isn't....

​​The bright lights and cheerful music can create an ironic backdrop when you're not feeling your best, or when the time of year coincides with sad anniversaries.

Yesterday was the anniversary of the Sandy Hook shooting, which happened not too far away in Newtown, CT.  What a tragic event that was, and how awful for the families who must go into the Holiday season with the recollection of that day and the losses suffered.

In some ways, the Holidays operate as a large collaborative accounting of people's year.  I don't think we intend to, but we put an awful lot of pressure on each other at this time of year to "show up."  Personally, putting up lights, getting a tree, decorating it, and grabbing small gifts and making sure I don't forget anyone or anything starts to feel a bit forced when I'm trying to squeeze it into an already overwhelmed schedule.  

It's easy to feel like you just can't stack up at this time of year.  Even people who generally "have it all together" will fall to pieces at the Holidays if things aren't just so.  

Janice has said that the illusions and fears we hold about life will get bigger and bigger until we do something to address it.  I feel that the Holiday charade has gotten so large, with people literally running each other over to be the first in line, that it seems that the time has come to change how we do this a little bit.

If you're feeling down at the Holidays, try to hang on to the meaning in the season; not the fabricated version, but the intended meaning: gratitude, caring for each other and inner awareness.

Common Holiday Emotions and Tips to Manage Them:

Feelings Resulting from Perceived Lack - Lack is meaning anything that you don't have that you wish you did or think that you should.  Things that might fall into this category include money, time, success, having a family, or partner.  This may cause people to feel sad, frustrated, or even angry that things aren't different.

Tips to Manage: Instead of focusing on what you don't have or what you wish was different, make a list of things that you do have that you can be grateful for.  

• Money lack: If you don't have alot of money to buy people gifts, see what you do have and try to do something thoughtful that won't break the bank.  It doesn't help anyone for all of us to be spending ourselves into the poorhouse.  Making something is a wonderful way to show someone that you care, even if it's cardboard ornaments, or a reusable rice heating pad.  

• Time lack: If you feel like you don't have enough time to do what you want then take a look at where your time is going.  Keep track of your movements for three days.  Where does your time mostly go?  Sometimes awareness shows us that we aren't using time to it's greatest advantage.  If you want to go Holiday shopping, perhaps you can schedule that in over a few days, rather than trying to do a marathon store run.  Online shopping also makes it easier to manage time and shopping.  If you just wish you had more time to spend with loved ones, communicate that to them, and perhaps create space away from tech and tv to have some quality time.  No plan gets created if people don't express their interest or need for one!

• Lack in Success:  Like money lack, success lack often results from looking at what we don't have rather than what we do.  What have you accomplished this year?  If you take a look at everything that happened this year, you may be surprised to see that you did way more than you thought.  Don't compare yourself to someone else.  Everyone is fighting their own battle, and you don't know what someone else's life is like, no matter what pretense they may put up.  If you've taken steps to pursue your own happiness in any capacity this year, and I bet you have, then you have been, and continue to be, successful.

• Lack in Family or Partner Relationships: If you struggle with feeling that your personal relationships should be further along than they are or if you are coping with loneliness at the Holidays then consider why you feel this way.  Everything has two sides.   Relationships and families have their own stresses and pressures.  While it may seem attractive from the outside, getting involved and creating a family in the wrong circumstances will not solve your problem of loneliness.  Waiting for the "right" one may feel like an endless wait, but feeling like your life should be further along is pointless if the person you're meant to be with just hasn't arrived into your life yet.  Find a way to take the focus off of you, maybe by volunteering or giving back in some way.  Many, many elders spend the Holidays alone.  Again, be grateful for the ones in your life, spend time with them, and see what you can learn from the friendships and other connections you do have rather than pining for something you don't.

Feelings Resulting from Not Being Able to Do It All -  Juggling alot at the Holidays has become a skill that even a circus clown would find challenging.  I personally know many people who begin their Christmas shopping in September just to get ahead of the curve.  Between getting something special for the ones you love, trying to spend quality time, baking and cooking, preparing for Holiday dinners, and getting all the decorations up, you're somehow supposed to have time to relax and reflect on the season.  Many of us never get to that last part.

Tips to Manage:  What can you cut out without too much of a backlash, while still enjoying the season.  What, really, are your priorities, and what do you only think you should do?  Focus on your priorities, and let the other stuff go.  If you don't actually enjoy decorating the house, foundation to roof, in Christmas lights, then don't do it!  Invest your time in the things that will bring you joy, and you'll be more joyful - imagine that!

Feelings of Not Feeling Cared About - It's easy to feel slighted at the Holidays.  Everyone is running around crazy.  Especially if we have a belief of not being cared about, it's easy to find that proof in Holiday gifts or lack thereof, people not pitching in, or feeling that your good intentions are going unnoticed.  If you want to find out more about how to manage this particular belief, I suggest tuning into our podcast: How to Survive Earth School, available on Itunes and Soundcloud, for a special episode on How to Survive the Holidays!  


In Conclusion:
Be well, everyone.  Remember to shake it off, and I highly suggest taking one of Janice's classes on learnitlive.com to learn more about how energy and other people's emotions can easily be transferred to us.  It's really important, especially since most people are much more sensitive than they believe, that we all start understanding how we affect each other!

​- Christine

Who is a Bully?

We've all had issues with bullying in some capacity....


 "Don't pick on her," Jessica said angrily.  We all stood stock still, gaping at the girl who said something to the ones picking on a girl in our class, Maddie.

"Thank you, Jessica," Maddie said in a way that made it seem like she just won an academy award.  I was shocked.  Who was I in all this? I was the bully, and Jessica had just stood up for the girl I was bullying.

I don't remember what I had said to Maddie, but a few friends and I were poking fun at her.  We were in 5th grade. 

The reason we bullied Maddie is because, honestly, she was an easy target.  She was different, maybe a little nerdy, and a little socially awkward.  Basically, she was everything I didn't want to be (but was, anyway) and since I didn't like myself and was afraid to be myself, it seemed the thing to do was to attempt to separate out the things I didn't like about myself.  I did this by finding them in someone else and ridiculing them for it.  I was trying to prove that I was different than her, but instead I made myself into something far worse - a hypocrite and a bully.  It took a long time to figure out what I was doing and begin to accept and appreciate the pieces of myself that I had made fun of in Maddie.

It all seems pretty cut and dry, but there's more to it than that.  Through my work with Janice; I've begun to learn about energy and beliefs. Have you ever been feeling fine, and then you'll get a phone call from someone who is complaining about something they are trying to do and how they can't get it right?  Instead of just calmly being able to answer their question or reassure them they can do it,  you may begin to feel angry or frustrated with them. You respond with criticism or lash out; telling them that they should know how to do this already or ask them, "how many times are you going to call me with the same stupid thing," etc.  What we don't realize is this:

People who feel bad about themselves can draw out anger, frustration, or ridicule with their energy, especially from those closest to them. We can mirror what others feel about themselves without even realizing that is what is happening. 

Have you ever been feeling really bad about yourself, like you just can't do it, or you feel like you're a real screw up; and then someone comes along and says something to reinforce this idea?

I'll give you an example: I was running behind one morning and didn't clean up my dishes from breakfast.  As I'm walking out the door, I am feeling frustrated, like I just can't get anything right, be on time for anything, and am generally just a disaster.  As I am driving to work; I get a message from my roommate "Can you please clean up after yourself!? You always leave things a mess!" it said.  I already felt bad about not being able to do my dishes, and I was beating myself up for running late.  Then, I get this message and it just reiterates to me that I am a screw up.  

It felt awful.  But is it real?  

My roommate was responding to the way I already felt, and her emotions, fears, and beliefs got mixed in there too.

Bullies and their victims often share similar beliefs.  Often, they both feel there is something wrong with them, that they won't be accepted the way they are, that they don't matter, and/or that they can't do anything right.  For these reasons, they feel they are different or don't fit in.  We often hear in our work that people feel like they just don't really belong, that no one will accept them the way they are and that no one really cares.  Underlying all of this, are the feelings that we are "not good enough."  The difference is in what people do with it.  Some people hide, and hold their energy in close to themselves. They are fearful that others will see their flaws and they try to keep people from seeing them.  They don't feel good about themselves and try not to draw attention to themselves. They can feel very victimized by the people around them and the world.

The second type of person is someone whose fear and dislike for themselves is also profound, but instead of turning in; they turn out. The will strike first, draw attention to others, ridicule, can be abusive and mean.  By doing this, they feel more powerful. Instead of being the victim they become the victimizer.  They use their abusive actions and judgements to make themselves feel better, feel like they matter, and/or are important. They instead choose to focus that dislike outside themselves and blame others.  

People are afraid to really be seen, but how we handle it will differ from person to person.  A bully and their victim typically have more in common then people really realize.  It is a relationship that is built on the beliefs they share about themselves.  It is almost more like a dance.  One of the ways Janice helps people manage bullies is to teach them about this energy connecting them, and help them to alter or change it so that the bully isn't drawn so much towards the would-be victim.  She also emphasizes the need for the group to stand up against bullies.  Many people are afraid that they'll be next if they stand up to a bully, but typically a person who doesn't feel bad about themselves already can stand up to a bully and avoid becoming a victim.  Even if the bully says something mean; it won't affect them because they feel good about themselves.

Bullying is a real problem, and one of the biggest issues with it is that a lot of adults actually bully. It may seem different, or that we have a good reason for the way we treat others. The judgement, the hate, and the fear may feel different than when we were children.  We may have grown up but we, most of us anyway, have not grown out of our own insecurities that we felt as children. We are the role models for our children and what we teach them, whether we know it or not, is very much the same cycle as what we learned.  It is possible to change this, but it must change from a standpoint of awareness, not blame. Most of us don't go around hurting others on purpose, and if we do it is because we feel we have been hurt. 

Bullying isn't a child thing, it's a people thing and a world epidemic.

That's why we call our program Bullying Exposed.  We are working on getting to the root causes of bullying: which are our feelings of low self worth and self esteem, and our feelings of not being good enough.  We try so hard to be the same or to fit in with the crowd instead of embracing our differences. 

Bullies are really people who are just afraid of their own insecurities.  When kids, adults, organizations, or governments bully; it's because they are afraid.  Often, they are trying to make themselves feel better by highlighting the difference between themselves and the people or ideas they are ridiculing.

​We have to help people who abuse, try to control, make fun, and cut others down understand what they are actually doing, which is really just hiding behind their fear/anger and not actually dealing with the real problem.  They think that by hurting others; they will make themselves feel better.  Well, I can tell you from first hand experience that this is not the case.  When Jessica stood up for Maddie that day; I felt really bad about what I had done.  Here, Jessica was one of the more popular girls in school, and I wasn't.  The fact that she would stand up for Maddie, a girl who I considered "below me" really stuck with me, and I realized that what I had done was wrong and I was really mad at myself.  I had been punishing myself for a long time for that, believing myself to be a mean or bad person, and treating myself as if I was.

It is worth noting that the teacher was right there, and hadn't said anything to myself or the other girls.  It was only Jessica who said something, and then, after the fact, the teacher gave her a pat on the back for sticking up for Maddie.  Janice says that this is actually a good thing.  The adults shouldn't get involved with the group dynamics of the kids.  Children need to learn to band together as a group to stand up against bullies.  Otherwise, they will always be looking for an authority figure to protect them or handle their problems.  This is all well and good until there isn't one to be found.  

As a side note- I really wish that at some point, the teacher had spoken to me about why I bullied Maddie, and helped me understand that the anger and frustration I was feeling was a normal thing to feel at that age, but that I needed to find ways to deal with it other than lashing out.  Another options was if she had helped to facilitate a talk with Maddie where we went into bigger depth about what it had made Maddie feel for me to be mean to her, and why I had done it in the first place.  It's important to realize that bullies are hurting too.  They just are funneling that pain into anger and hate rather than into sadness.  I'm not saying it's excusable, especially when people know better, but it is understandable, and what's more, given time, patience, and practice; I do believe it is possible to fix as well.  We need to expose the dynamic that creates bullies and we need to help victims to begin to gain self confidence and love for themselves so they don't present as targets so easily.

No one is truly a victim, we all have a choice about how we feel.  No one can make us feel anything.  They can try.  But on some level we have to agree with them.  We have a choice how we react to people.  Awareness is key.

It's worth mentioning that in my youth; I was bullied, too.  I had blocked this out for a long time,  but I remembered recently that in 3rd grade, my whole class made fun of me for having a crush on a boy.  I think someone had overheard me say something and it began to spread throughout the classroom.  Everyone began singing and chanting, "Christine has a crush on Jeremy" and I got really upset, and started to cry because he was sitting there.  I didn't go back to school for two weeks.  So, maybe that has something to do with why I wouldn't want to feel vulnerable anymore, and made fun of another girl.  And that is typically the way it will go.  Bullying is a cycle, just like abuse is a cycle.  People learn it somewhere, and it's usually because they have been hurt and don't want to let that happen again.  I have learned alot just from looking at the ways I have been hurt in my life and how I then changed my behavior to try to protect myself from further hurts.  If you've ever had an experience with bullying, whether you are the bullied or the bully; I highly suggest you begin to explore the programs we offer here at Miylana and Bullying Exposed.  Janice offers much in the way of workshops and resources to begin to identify the parts in you that were hurt, felt victimized, or lashed out to protect.  As Janice says,

"Most people are not trying to hurt you unless they are mentally unsound.  If they are hurting you, it's because they themselves are in pain."

Learn more about bullies and ways to use your energy to protect yourself, check out upcoming Energy Affects classes or our Bullying Exposed programs.

Does Hypnotherapy Work for Anxiety?

A Major Component of Janice's Work Is Her Hypnotherapy Sessions...
But Does It Work?

One of the first things Janice will give to new clients is a hypnotherapy cd (and a copy of her book - This Is Only a Dream - When You Die You Wake Up!).  She currently has over 15 different hypnotherapy cd's that she can offer to clients, ranging in topic from Abundance to Weight Loss.

When she handed me a hypnotherapy CD to help improve Self-Worth, I was indifferent.  I was open to it, but I certainly didn't run home and throw it right on.  I think it took me a few weeks before, after a reminder from Janice, I finally took a listen.

The intro to the hypnotherapy sessions recommend that before you begin, you make free time to listen in a quiet place and that you set yourself up comfortably without any distractions or responsibilities for alertness- aka. don't drive a car and listen to hypnotherapy.

I had been told that before going to sleep was a good time to listen, so I got into my pajamas and popped on the cd, and climbed into bed.  The soothing music began to play, Janice's calming voice began to speak, and before I knew it; I was asleep.

This cycle repeated itself over and again.  I was so relaxed by the cd that I had never actually heard the end of it consciously until several months after I began to listen to it.  So what was the deal?  And what was it doing, if anything, while I slumbered?

Research shows that even while we are asleep, our ears remain active.  Our brains still register auditory stimuli, and this can impact the depth of our sleep, and how well rested we are.

If you often feel like you sleep a good 8 hours, but are still waking up feeling exhausted, noise may be the culprit.

 In fact, research has linked traffic noise and chronic bad sleep with cardiovascular disease.

Obviously, our body still registers the sounds we hear during the night, whether we are actively aware of them or not.  Regardless, and my situation aside, what does hypnotherapy actually do for our bodies and minds?

First we must understand what hypnotherapy is.  The cut and dry definition of hypnotherapy is the use of hypnosis for therapy.  Ok.  So then we must ask, what is hypnosis?  Hypnosis is an induction of a trance or dream like state in which the subject is highly susceptible to suggestion.  We've all heard the stories of the man who would act like a chicken when a master hypnotist snapped their fingers, but this spectacle doesn't necessarily suggest therapeutic value and can scare people to believe that hypnosis is scary and can control you.  Actually, you would never do anything you would not normally do.  If someone gave you a suggestion to "rob a bank" for instance, unless you're a bank robber, you would not do it and even then you would still be making the decision.  You are just in a relaxed deeper state of mind, which makes it easier for you to make changes.

What most of us don't know is that at least 80% of the time our beliefs and programs are running our lives.

Most of us really do not know what we believe, but we can start to see our beliefs by looking at the patterns that show up in our life. To really change these beliefs, we need to change them from the place where they are stored and running to begin with, our subconscious mind.

During a hypnotherapy session, the hypnotherapist helps you to become very relaxed, and then will suggest concepts to you.  If you are struggling with self-worth, for example, she might suggest that you are a worthy, confident, and capable individual.

When we say "beliefs," we don't mean spiritual or religious beliefs.  The idea is that our minds create our reality.  You can be the most independent, capable and worthy person in the world; but if you are always thinking that you aren't any good, that's the reality you will live in.  That's a belief.  You'll make decisions from that place, and constantly sabotage or under value yourself because you don't actually believe you can do it.  The idea is that if we can change the script your mind is playing, then you may begin to see examples of how worthy and capable you are when those experiences come up.  Perhaps you begin to see opportunities that were always there but that you didn't recognize as viable options before.  Much more is open to you, because you began to use the up-till-this-point cobweb infested parts of your mind that said you were worth a damn.

Janice often says that one of the major benefits of hypnotherapy is that it helps to re-wire your brain.  If you've always had low self-worth, then that means you've created a bridge between any sort of criticism, rejection, or disapproval as a reflection of who you are and what you are capable of.

Eventually you may begin to see that criticism, rejection, and disapproval in advance, as a sort of inevitability.  

It is here that we come to a crossroads, and we begin to shift from a place of perception to a place of creation.  We begin to create the experience of rejection and the feeling of unworthiness even though it is essentially only in our minds.  You begin to live from this cycle.  Many arguments stem from this inevitability of response.  People foresee criticism when it isn't there, and project their own fears on the other person's actions.  It's really quite amazing what we do.

One experience can fit into many different interpretations.  Hypnotherapy allows our mind to experience, while in an open and relaxed state, the other possibilities and helps change your old beliefs that have been keeping you stuck, repeating the same reactions and experiences.

So, if you're feeling like you may need assistance in any particular area; whether it be anxiety reduction, weight loss, smoking reduction, abundance, etc. than I highly suggest hypnotherapy.  It will help you see the other possibilities, and at the very least is very relaxing.  Studies currently have shown that hypnosis can be effective for a range of issues from pain management to anxiety reduction.  The effectiveness will depend of course from person to person and from hypnotist to hypnotist.

My own experience with hypnotherapy and listening to the cds was highly positive.  It seemed to help me relax, get to sleep faster, and definitely encouraged me to wake up on the right side of the bed.  That, coupled with my ongoing sessions with Janice, and the work I'm doing to 'change my mind' has really helped me make better choices for myself and feel happier.  If you have anything to add to this, please feel free to comment below!

If you want to try out one of Janice's hypnotherapy sessions, you can see this one on youtube!

Hypnotherapy audio downloads are available here.

For more info or to hear Janice's unique perspective on solving the world's problems, check out our podcast, How to Survive Earth School, available on Soundcloud or Itunes!
 

Am I Psychic?

 Everyone has gifts.

The level to which we can access and utilize them is another matter.  Our psychic abilities are alot like other gifts, such as the gift of music, song, skills in sports, or business acumen, in that you have to practice and learn about it in order to hone your skills.


While some people are born with the ability to know and see far beyond what most of us are able to, we shouldn't get discouraged by the ease with which they access their gifts.  


Some people are born with this door more open, but some people are born as business prodigies and musical virtuosos, as well.  That doesn't mean that we shouldn't work on learning the instrument of our choice.  Most people don't have innate ability when it comes to their successes.


It turns out, that most, if not all people, had to work hard to get what they achieved.


So, what are the steps to accessing this knowledge?  This will range from person to person, but it certainly will begin with awareness of yourself.  If you are running from point A to point B, never taking a second to care for or inquire deeper about yourself- then you likely aren't developing the awareness to hear beyond your inner monologue.


The first thing you have to do to receive an answer is to ask a question.  If you aren't questioning, than this is your first mistake.


Here are a few steps to beginning to open to your own psychic abilities:


1.  Set aside time dedicated to yourself and to increasing your inner awareness.
For most people, psychic thoughts and feelings will come from inside as a intuitive "lurch," not in a movie-eque way with visions and involved dream sequences, although this may happen with time! (Hey, anything is possible so don't discount it..)

2.  During this time, close your eyes and really go within.  
Begin to play with your other senses.  See how far you can hear into the distance.  Put a series of objects in front of you and use your fingers to trace and explore them, use your sense of smell and taste to explore your environment.  Question yourself about what are sensing.  What do you notice that you hadn't noticed with your eyes open?

3. Exercise.
Our mind is more rested and more open when our body is tired.  So many people spend their days at the desk and then go home to flop on the couch.  Despite the exhaustion many of us feel at the end of the day, our body has unexpressed energy that it is holding onto; maybe it's frustration from an interaction with a co-worker or excitement over a promising deal; whatever it is, releasing is necessary.  Some suggestions include joining a sports league, doing yoga, dropping into a dance class, or hiking.  Whatever way you enjoy using your body, make time to do it. 

4.  Begin to question when you want to know something.
Start with small things.  Where is there a parking spot?  What time will my wife be back?  etc. etc.  See if you can begin to get answers to some of these questions.  You'll find the more you do this consciously, the easier it is to question subconsciously and start to get answers to the questions you are asking.

5.  Consciously note your predictions and intuitive feelings when they come true.
It's almost like a stream that starts as a trickle and begins to gain momentum.  Become aware and consciously make note of when when you are using your abilities.  This is a good way to better understand when a thought is your intuition knocking or when it is something that's been generated from your thoughts, feelings, wishes or fears.  Being an "active antenna" also makes it more likely that messages will be sent your way.  People tend not to send mail to an address that isn't checking the mailbox!

6.  Recognize the intersection of manifestation and psychic ability.
We all also have the power to manifest what we want.  The intersection between manifestation and psychic predictions can be confusing.  Did that thing happen because I wanted or feared it was going to happen or because I knew it would and it was inevitable?  Much of our lives are created by us and our thoughts and feelings.  Begin to play with the idea of creating your future from your desires.  Set intentions and create goals and action plans.  You may be surprised to see that this helps you to tap into your abilities, to foresee possible pitfalls, recognize when a person is an ally that can assist you, and attract more fortuitous coincidences.


Using these tips and practicing everyday will begin to open you up to the amazing amount of information that is bouncing around at any given moment.  Make sure you protect yourself when you begin to play with your psychic abilities in the white light of love and protection.  You want to surround your aura with a golden net to keep out negative energy.  Being more sensitive is wonderful, but you want to make sure you are only letting positivity and light into your sphere.

Have fun!  Let us know your results!


- Christine